In the past few days, I have been coming across many articles that focus on how churches appear to first-time guests or visitors or even invited non-believers. I for one have had a past of having attended different churches and have seen for myself the startling differences. Some of these, admittedly, can raise eyebrows in terms of the way they operate and behave.
By Khen Lim
Image Source: ncls.org.au
It is
therefore not very surprising that the news aren’t good when it comes to people
not wanting to go to church. A 1998 Australian
Community Survey reveals ten reasons why:
-
42% Church
services are unfulfilling or uninteresting
-
35% Disagreement
with the beliefs of the church or moral views
-
34% Don’t
believe there is a need (to attend church)
-
31% Preference
to attend to other things
-
27% Spiritually
too weak to work up a head of steam
-
24% Disagreement
with the way churches are set up
-
21% Commitments
in other areas
-
16% Poor
experiences with certain church people
-
15% Prevented
by work or job commitments
Fourteen
years later, the National
Church Life Survey (NCLS) came up with their own list with the top five
being the following:
-
Church services are unfulfilling or uninteresting
-
No liking for the music
-
Nothing appealing to the children
-
People are unfriendly or inhospitable
-
Churches are always asking for money
For further
listings, see the back of the article.
Hosanna
Evangelical Free Church is probably a little too small to be besieged with the
kinds of issues much larger outfits are more concerned about but we are not
without our problems. As Karl Vaters of New Small Church often says, small size
churches have their strengths but they also have weaknesses to work on.
As we all head
towards the tail end of 2014, many churches such as ours are in the position to
take stock of what are needed for improvements as well as to restore whatever
shine we lost over the years and to make ourselves a little more inviting to
the outside world. But first let’s see what I’ve been reading about this topic
from others that I’ll handpick and talk about here.
1. Ignorance is unacceptable
Never
ignore newcomers. Of the many criticisms I have read, this one takes top
billing amongst a few others. People bristle at the very thought of being put
off because they don’t feel welcome.
Newcomers
like to feel they can be a part of a church even if it’s their first time. But
the reality can be that no one is really interested in helping them do this. As
a result they struggle to connect. In some churches I have been to, a laboured
smile over-engineered to look good for the first few seconds was all I
encountered. After that, it was my fastest exit and never to visit again.
Ushers are
fine but they also need to learn to interact and engage newcomers. No cheesy
icy smiles but a genuine welcome is as important as meaningful eye contact and
a good handshake.
2. Avoid
putting people on the spot
Many of us make this mistake in church, thinking that it’s
the right thing to do but as it turns out, newcomers become shrinking violets
when asked to stand up and introduce themselves. We’ve seen how integral this
is to an AA meeting but apparently for a church, it’s not the best thing to do.
Here’s what someone wrote on the Internet:
“I was
‘called out’ by a well-meaning congregant in during the welcome time at the
beginning and the minister proceeded to ask me some ‘getting to know you
questions’ from the pulpit. I bolted after the service, begging-off coffee hour
and never went back.”
Newcomers like their privacy as much as they like to choose
their time to be more talkative. Which means we shouldn’t be pushy or
insensitive. We should allow newcomers to get settled at their own speed, get
comfortable with their new church surroundings and find their way.
A balance is important here – while newcomers like their own
space, we shouldn’t be unapproachable when our attention is needed. We just
have to make sure that we don’t intrude or pile on the pressure. So no signing
up, no Marketing 101, no conviction exercises please.
Although a predominantly Catholic website, the etiquette
guidelines given by Fish Eaters are
equally as applicable in our Protestant churches. One part says this:
“If you’re not shy, greet newcomers outside but NOT in the
church itself as they come in or leave. Make them feel welcome; learn their
names. Give them eye contact, a warm handshake, a friendly pat on the back.
Introduce them to the (pastor) after the Service if they haven’t already met.
Let them know they are welcome, wanted and entering the House of God. If they
are newcomers, talk to them sometime about events and associations in your
parish. Go out of your way to make them feel at home. Of course, on the other hand, some people are loners or
are in very contemplative moods before Service or just like to come on Sundays
and be left alone. Use your intuition and respect their wishes but a smile
never hurts a loner either!”
If they like your church, they will return. All we have to do
is to nice, friendly, accommodating and thoughtful.
3. Keeping
up appearances
Looking good is useful. We don’t need monkey suits and gala
gowns but we just need to avoid dressing vagrantly. To avoid this the church
should have some guidance and rules posted up on notice boards so that members
can take heed.
CNN’s
Belief Blog cites Reverend John DeBonville saying that when he scans the
church pews, all he could see were “rows of people dressed in their Sunday
worst, sauntering into church wearing “baggy shorts, flip-flop sandals, tennis
shoes and grubby tee-shirts. Some even slide into the pews carrying coffee in
plastic foam containers as if they’re going to Starbucks.”
“It’s like some people decided to stop mowing the lawn and
then decided to come to church.”
Many of us have been wondering about this complete lack of
care about dressing well for church while others defend their actions, saying
that God only cares what’s in their hearts, deceptively citing 1 Samuel 16:7 in
defence.
Constance M Cherry who wrote, ‘Worship Architect: A Blueprint
for Designing Culturally Relevant and Biblically Faithful Services’ (and is
also a professor of worship at Indiana Wesleyan University) says, “Many young
people and boomers judge the value of worship service based on personal
satisfaction.”
“If I get to wear flip-flops to Walmart, then I get to wear
flip-flops to church. If I get to carry coffee to work, I get to carry coffee
to church. They’re being told that ‘come as you’ means that God wants you to be
comfortable.”
Not true. The Bible tells us that we are to prepare ourselves
internally and externally for worship, that we are to leave our worldly issues
outside of church before we enter and that we should prepare our hearts and
minds before we begin to worship God.
During the Old Testament days, the Jews didn’t just “come as
they are” to the temple. They underwent purification rituals, bathing in pools
beforehand. Otherwise they were forbidden from entering the temple. Nowhere in
the Bible does it say that we are to approach God in a casual manner. Psalm 24
encourages us to “ascend the hill of the Lord… with clean hands and pure
hearts.”
An interesting
article by Duane Litfin called ‘Clothing Matters: What We Wear to
Church’ could be worth reading if you want to delve deeper. Click here to read
more.
4. Congregation
antics under check
Bad behaviour is everywhere and unfortunately the church can
be no different as well. I’ve been to churches where I found complete
disinterest even when coming to terms with newcomers. You’re given the
customary cold shoulder or at best, a torturously laboured smile. Check this
comment from the Internet out:
“During the
meet-and-greet, the people of the congregation were very friendly, but everyone ignored me before and after
church. I went there for several weeks and tried to strike up conversations
with people after church each week but
there was no social-hour and people practically ran to their cars and left
immediately after services. No one seemed to care if I was there or not, so
I eventually quit going. The pastor, who had made several home visits, trying
to get me to come to his church, never
contacted me to see why I quit coming. To say it was a disappointment is an
understatement because my grandparents were founding members of that church.”
Proper behaviour is spelt out in the Bible. You can read what
Paul says about this in 1 Timothy 3:14,15. In the verses, Paul focuses on “the
very nature of the church in which we are part of and in which is required of
us to be of a certain behaviour.” Other verses in the Bible concerning
behavioural standards can also be found in 1 Peter 1:13-16, Philippians 1:27
and 2:12-16, and then Ephesians 3:4.
“Is Sabbath-service behaviour merely a matter of common
courtesy of does it suggest something more spiritual? When we contemplate
anything in terms of the Sabbath, we need to remember that God calls it “My
Holy Day” (Isaiah 58:13). This means that improper behaviour during the worship
service is not just impolite – it is irrelevant!”
Even the article of the Second Council of Lyons wrote in
AD1274:
“It is fitting that He Whose abode has been established in
peace should be worshipped in peace and with due reverence.” Churches, then,
should be entered humbly and devoutly; behaviour inside should be calm,
pleasing to God, bringing peace to the beholders, a source not only of
instruction but of mental refreshment.”
In the Fish Eaters website, a code of
conduct and behaviour is given. Of interest, there is also mention of turning
off cell phones.
Perhaps 1 Corinthians 13:10-11 and 14:20 put it best:
“But when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, reason like a child; when I
became a man, I did away with childish things… Brethren, do not be children in
your thinking; yet in evil be infants, but in your thinking be mature.”
Ephesians 4:15 exhorts us not to be tossed as if by the winds
in terms of our childishness but “to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the
head, even Christ.”
We are not to reject newcomers or anything to a similar effect.
Instead we are to make the effort and perhaps at times, bend backwards to be
helpful without running into conflicts with church rules and regulations. We
should also avail ourselves readily to all newcomers in case they have
questions that need answering.
5. Deliver
on your courtesies
Some surveys have also indicated that newcomers are generally
isolated. Even as they appear in church for the first time, a lukewarm welcome
lacks follow-through, meaning they are eventually ignored.
Here’s what one church visitor wrote:
“I’ve been
a new member of my church for about three months now. I’m a widow (and) so I
always end up sitting alone. It makes me uncomfortable. I’ve never even met the
pastor’s wife yet. I love the church service though. Our pastor has the heart
of an evangelist, yet a love for his congregation, which is quite large. We
have a short time when we greet our neighbour but rarely does anyone ever speak
to me. Our pastor is radical for Jesus and I like that. That’s why I stayed.
“They have
what they call ‘encounter groups’ that meet during the week but being on the
shy side, nobody has ever invited me to
attend. I sent an email to one of the church staff and asked which group
would be the best for me to attend. I
never got a reply. I’ll keep attending church because I feel the presence
of the Holy Spirit there, but I still
feel uncomfortable.”
Whatever reasons that are given, there aren’t excuses. Nobody
should be ignored, much less a well-intended visitor or newcomer. If we lack
manpower, we should delegate. If there are too many things on our hands, we
should reorganise ourselves. If we have forgotten, try properly scheduling and
have a reminder alert.
When newcomers don’t get the return calls, they take it –
rightfully – that the church is not interested. And we wonder why we’re not
making up our numbers in church.
6. Worship
music should be for everyone
This is a prickly issue and many churches are struggling to
balance this. When the youth go ape over their music, the others cringe. When
the others have their Don Moen repertoire on, the young ones shake their head
in resignation. A happy medium appears difficult for some churches I know and
when it’s not possible to have separate service times, we have an explosive
situation at hand and much to the detriment of newcomers bearing witness.
First things first – church is not solely about worship
music. While quality is important, it’s not the divisive tool that we’ve seen
it to be in some churches. The First Baptist Church in St Johns, Michigan has
an online PDF
document that spells out its politics concerning Music Ministry
clearly.
This is their Philosophy Statement:
“While music is an important element in our worship services,
there are few issues about which Christians having stronger opinions or that
are as potentially divisive as that of music in the church. The purpose of the
church is to glorify God in all that it does, by resisting the worldly elements
of the church in which it exists. The church must be a light in a dark place
(John 8:12).”
The next paragraph is particularly eye-opening:
“With this in mind, no music used in the church should
contain elements that reflect poorly upon the character of God. This pertains
to the lyrics, melody, harmony, style, rhythm, timbre and presentation.”
There has to be standards for music ministry that do not
polarise any one group of members. Whether or not we have our own personal
tastes, they are for the privacy of our own homes. Churches are to strike a
standard that is acceptable to the congregation without isolating any specific
group.
From time to time, it is worth reminding everyone that the
purpose of the worship ministry is to offer up a platform for collective (or
corporate) praise and worship to God by the whole congregation. Not only the
youth but everyone concerned.
Entertainment value can stay at the outside doorstep.
Whatever opportunistic outlet is not to highlight any individual musician’s abilities
but to glorify God.
It’s hard to say what each newcomer is looking for in a
church. Those who place high priority on service quality and/or the contents of
the pastor’s sermon will dismiss the entertainment aspect and focus on the
music ministry’s ability to allow everyone to worship.
7. Keeping
the children happy
Interestingly as I went through different articles on the
net, many prefer to keep their families intact for worshipping together. They
aren’t necessarily against Sunday school; instead they place a high importance
on worshipping as a family. But keeping children preoccupied can sometimes be
challenging.
Depending on whose advice you’re getting, there seems to be a
few things you can do to keep the peace. Antsy children need distraction where
a good book to read or do colouring may help. Many refer to this as the ‘Quiet
Book’ for good reason. Perhaps your child’s favourite soft toy can help keep
the peace. Whatever is your best approach, you’ll need to arrive armed and
ready.
An article in ‘What to Expect’ called, “Church
and Children” offers good advice. Here’s one about being equipped
beforehand:
“Whenever you bring your toddler places, it’s best to be
prepared. Pack a special bag of soft toys (that don’t squeak, rattle or make
other noises) and books that come out only on worship day – the novelty will
buy you some quiet time during the service. Also stash a snack and drink in
your bag (if the house of worship permits); if your toddler’s busy chewing or
sipping, he’ll be less likely to talk while the clergy does. But avoid crunchy
bites and anything that might make a sticky mess on the seats.”
When service can be conducted quietly and where children are
well behaved, the effect is calm, pleasant and pleasing for everyone. Newcomers
who come for the first time see a church that is well run and one where they
can focus on the quality of the service and especially the pastor’s sermon
without the discomfort of unwarranted interruptions.
8. Don’t
always be asking for money
A reader made this comment about giving:
“The church’s concern is one’s income. I have been to several
and they always ask about income. I tell them I will give what I can and their
response is, ‘You have to give at least ten percent of your income.’ I
understand that the church needs funds to operate but to tell someone that they
need to give ten percent is not right. In my area alone, there are what I call ‘Super
Dome Churches’ where the pastor drives a Bentley and has a home three times the
size of mine. Is this what is preached in the Bible? I don’t think so!”
James 1:17 tells us that God wants us to give because it
substantiates the recognition that He is Lord over us, in us and with us. Our
lives wouldn’t be as blessed without Him. By giving, we reinforce this
conviction. 1 Corinthians 16:2 reveals that we are to give what we can. In
other words God does not expect any of us to overextend. In Acts 20:35, God
wants us to know how blessed we are when we give. God has established that the
act of giving is in itself a kingdom principle where the giver is blessed far
more than the receiver.
Give and it shalt be given unto you, says Luke 6:38, which
goes on to say, “For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you”
(NIV). The same is also found in Proverbs 11:24.
Beautiful clarity about the ‘pleasure’ of giving is best
summed up by Mary
Fairchild who wrote:
“When my husband and I were looking for a good church, we
observed that some churches seemed to always be asking for money. This concerned
us. When we found our current church home, we were truly impressed to learn
that the church did not receive a formal offering during the service. The church
does have offering boxes in the building but members are never pressured to
give. Money, tithing, and giving are only mentioned when our pastor happens to
be teaching through a section of Scripture dealing with these issues.”
But that’s not all. The next part is where it counts best:
“But please don’t misunderstand! We love to give. That’s
because we’ve learned something. When we give to God, we get blessed. And
although most of our giving goes to the church, we don’t give to a church. We don’t give to the pastor. We give our offerings to God alone. In fact the Bible teaches
us to give, for our own good and for our own blessing, from a cheerful heart.”
Newcomers, visitors – and especially non-believers – should not
be made to give any offering because there is no strict requirement to. In
other words the willingness is entirely theirs. It would be very handy if the
pastor affirms that every time the offering bag does its rounds.
For newcomers, the church’s need for funding to fulfil its
missions is not their problem. While members may feel a more natural desire to
give, the same cannot be levelled at those who are merely visiting or checking
out the church for the first time. For them, there is no obligation if they don’t
wish to.
9. Have
something interesting to say
Here’re some truths. The Bible is not boring when you read
how the stories come alive thousands of years ago. Jesus was definitely not
boring when you examine what He has done, how He did what He had to do and how
He proved His sceptics wrong. Christ’s message is not boring when you think
about the gravity of the Resurrection and what guarantees it offers all of us.
There is much to be said in church that is always
interesting. It may be just in the way they are said but all in all, there are
ways to ensure that newcomers will become attentive enough to go home with
plenty to think about.
Many have written about what these ways are. Here are some of
the interesting ones:
-
Open up opportunities for others to serve. Enabling people
to become hands on deck can liven up the situation, making church a place of purposeful
activities that serve God.
-
Help people to understand the fear of God. The problem
therefore is that people – even Christians – have come not to fear Him anymore.
There has been too much lopsided focus on God’s love, His goodness, His forgiveness
and mercy not to pay enough attention at His anger, jealousy and wrath (Matt
10:28). When people begin to turn this around, they might do things
differently.
-
Get people to centre their lives on Christ. Cody
Kimmel in his website, ‘Shouts from the Wilderness’ writes, “If the main
focus of our churches is entertaining sermons that teach us how to be better
people or music that makes us feel good… then we are missing the point of
church. Christ needs to be the centre and goal of our programs, our teaching
needs to point to Him, our worship needs to magnify Him…”
The gist is people can be bored of many things even in church
but they cannot surely be bored with Christ so long as churches make the effort
to represent Him correctly, factually and fully. Newcomers who walk straight
through the doors of your church are looking for something. My hunch is that
they’re looking for inspiration that comes from hearing the Word. He may be
impressed with the lighting or the music or the video clips. He might be think
it’s cool how the church décor looks but none of these will hold his attention
beyond their novelty value. But if the church exposes him to the truth of
Christ and how and why His life is our inspiration, he will come again.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 2:2, saying, “For I decided to
know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.” That is all we
need to know. And that is what newcomers are looking to hear.
10. God has
the final word
Whatever that is said and done, the Bible remains the
authority. We look to it for directions in our lives. We look to it to know how
our church should be run. And we look to it to see what an outsider sees and
not sees in our church.
The New Testament has guidance that undergirds God’s
household. In 1 and 2 Timothy, for instance, Paul uses the household analogy to
draw parallel with the church, citing that in both, the Lord is our Father and
we are to one another, brothers and sisters in Christ and as such, His
children.
However he does go further by saying that there needs to be a
structure that brings people in vested authorities together to run. These are
people who are given roles and responsibilities that relate to one another in
ways in which they carry out their duties. Paul reminds us to always be mindful
of the Master – God Himself – for He puts forth these rules and therefore it is
our responsibility to run by them faithfully and obediently in order that we do
His will.
Newcomers view churches perhaps a little differently from us
who are regular members. Their eyes see things in ways that perhaps we don’t
and their ears hear things in much the same manner. The structures and the
people within are one thing but they may also look upon our conduct with a view
to determine our behaviour.
1 Timothy 3:15 says, “but in case I am delayed, I write so
that you will know how one ought to conduct himself in the household of God,
which is the church of the living God, the
pillar and support of the truth” (NASB, bolding is mine).
Take note of three things here. Firstly the church belongs to
God. We’re only the custodians and we are meant to care for His church.
Secondly the church is our pillar. That’s another way of saying it is a
foundation upon which, thirdly, it acts as a support in upholding the truth of
God’s Word. Putting the three together, we are to know how to present ourselves
in light of who we are in God’s eyes.
In how we present ourselves, the New Testament tells us that
there is a Christian definition of what ‘social conduct’ is. And by that, there
is, in other words, a stark comparison in contrast to secular standards. You
can find them in various forms and guises in Ephesians, 1 Peter, 1 Corinthians,
1 Timothy as well as in Titus, Colossians and Romans.
From these, we are to learn about relationships with people.
Even if the texts don’t specifically mention newcomers or visitors or
non-believing guests, relationships extend to how we deal with them and in
turn, how we present ourselves as the church. And because the impression we
hope to make is a reflection on God, it is crucial we get this right.
Other
listings gleaned
“Top
10 Ways Churches Drive Away First-Time Guests” by Thom S Rainer
- Having to stand up and greet one another time in the worship service
- Unfriendly church members
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area
- No place to get information
- Bad church website
- Poor signage
- Insider church language
- Boring or bad service
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew
- Dirty facilities
“Why
People Don’t Go to Church” by Bruce Manners
Options people have other than to go to church:
-
89% Time with
family
-
80% Time with
friends
-
65% Listening
to music
-
63% Homemaking
-
58% In a
garden
-
57% Time by
the sea
-
53% Relaxing
(doing nothing at all)
-
52% Working
-
48% Spending
time in the bush
-
40% Travelling
(internally)
-
37% Reading
novels
-
36% Travelling
(overseas)
-
29% Praying
-
28% Dining
out
-
27% Playing a
musical instrument or singing
-
25% Watching
TV or watching movies
-
24% Meditating
-
23% Watching
sports
People whose option is to be at a church service accounts for
only 21% of all participants of the survey.
Click here to read the article.
“5
Things First-Time Guests HATE Doing at Church” by Dale Hudson
- People hate waiting in line
- People hate not knowing where to go
- People hate to be ignored
- People hate being singled out
- People hate not being able to find a good parking spot or having to settle for a crummy one
To read the article, click
here.
“10
Reasons Why People Leave Church” by Benjamin L Corey
- When they don’t find Jesus
- Because they feel lonely
- Because they’re looking for something authentic
- Because they are tired of being told how a “good Christian” will vote
- When they feel like they need to become a carbon copy of an individual or ideal in order to be fully included and appreciated
- Because they get turned off by social climbing, cliques and nepotism
- Because of controlling leaders and unskilled teachers
- Because of unresolved conflicts
- Because they need less drama in their lives
- When they can’t find community
To read the article in full, click
here.
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