To Stay Single or Not, What Does God Want of You?

A Commentary on 1 Corinthians 7:7-8

Khen Lim




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As you may well suspect, many believers (and unbelievers) misconstrue the biblical standpoint on Christians staying single. In 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 (NLT), Paul says, ‘I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows – it’s better to stay unmarried just as I am.’

These verses have been quoted wide off the mark and it’s not difficult to see why. Paul says that each person is gifted by God in one way or another. This is a gift he alludes to being single and being married. However, get this – Paul says, “I wish everyone were single” (my italics). The grammatical use of the word ‘were’ here is called the past subjunctive mood because it tells us that the writer (Paul) did not believe everyone was single and was imagining a different reality and how things would have been different otherwise. It therefore suggests that Paul was aware that most people weren’t single at the time of his writing.

More likely, more people were married than remained single. This would tell us that it is not necessarily God’s will for everyone to be single. And indeed, as God provided Eve as a helper to Adam, it would have been His vision that ideally, man and woman would marry in order to populate the Earth.

Here in Paul’s case, as he alludes to verse 8, he wasn’t burdened by the extra issues and challenges that marriage and family would have brought, which is why he advised the unmarried and widowed to stay the way they were. For Paul, once he was converted, he devoted his whole life to ministering the Word wherever he went until he was martyred in Rome. It is likely true that had he become married, he might not have been so effective and useful a messenger for God.

Having said that, some people work better as a team, serving God as a couple and then, as a family, which comes to show that He works different people in different guises to His advantage and His will. For the Graham family, Billy himself reached 3.2 million just on his Crusades alone. In terms of lifetime audiences including radio and television broadcasts, Wikipedia claimed he topped 2.2 billion. That’s not counting what the rest of his family could do as well. Of his five children, God has given Billy an inspiration speaker (Virginia), powerful ministers and pastors (Anne, Ruth and Nelson) and a very influential evangelical leader (Franklin).

At the same time, God has mightily used single people to great and powerful effect, to carry out His will. While the Bible at times do not carry sufficient details about family or marital information, we might suspect that a few of them could have been unmarried while they did His work. In Paul’s case, he was most assuredly unmarried but we could certainly consider Elijah and Elisha as well. 

Both, married and single, are therefore important. Of course, as Paul emphasised, there is no sin in remaining single and unbetrothed for one’s whole life. Nonetheless married Christians must note that the prime purpose in life was never just about getting hitched and bringing up children although that in itself is a bonus. More importantly, life should be about loving and serving God to our utmost.

To this end, we are to educate ourselves on the Word of God through reading and understanding the Bible and then praying fervently and passionately. Matthew 7:7 reminds us that if we seek Him, He will respond and if we ask Him to use us according to His will, He will surely do that too.

Many among us may be single but they do not know if they should or should not get married, and often, they look in the wrong places for directions. Even those who are unmarried but have relationships are uncertain as to what they should do in order to find fulfilment in their lives. But in God, we find our answers. In Him are the plans He has to prosper us and to offer us hope for a great future (Jer 29:11).

Paul also says, “Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” (Rom 12:2).

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There is no indication in the Bible that says that being single is a curse. Neither does it suggest anywhere that there is something amiss about the person whether man or a woman. It is, though, true that many people do eventually get married; even the Bible offers us a similar indication that leads us to accept that God’s will for many (though not everyone) is to be wedded. Yet there is nothing in Scripture that supports any view that relegates single or unmarried Christians to a ‘second class’ nature.

In fact, 1 Corinthians 7 points us to consider that being single might even end up being an advantage. To someone like Paul perhaps, being called to be single might, for all intents and purposes, be a higher calling.

As with all things in life, never not seek God’s wisdom (Jm 1:5) especially in the case of marriage. When we do things in His wisdom, we know that whether we marry or otherwise, the outcome will always be one of great fruitfulness and joyousness for that is what God always desires in each and every one of His children.