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This week’s topic on the abuse of spiritual privileges (1 Cor
10:1-22) is not often, if at all, discussed in Malaysia; at least not that I
personally know of. Yet for many of us, we have been victims of spiritual abuse
and not know it.
Spiritual abuse isn’t just about the pastor and his pulpit
advantage. As congregants, we may be complicit as well. Even ministry leaders
and elders could easily be part of the problem. In other words, spiritual abuse
is potentially a widespread issue in many churches here and abroad.
I have personally seen spiritual abuse although I did not know
there was a label for it. Before settling into Hosanna EFC, I was at another church
where ‘pulpit bullying’ was rampantly practised by the two senior pastors who
conspired with at least some of the elders to openly put selected church
members to shame. I sat through one of them during a Sunday Service and it was
horrifying.
Knowing the couple was grievously hurt by the hurling of abuse
from the pulpit, I sought to reach out to and comfort them but hit a stern
brick wall. I was warned to stay away and mind my own business. Paying them a
home visit was out of the question but out of compassion, I took it upon myself
to ignore the warning.
Needless to say, it wasn’t long thereafter, that I left the non-denomination
church and through a recommendation, came to Hosanna EFC.
In another church that I had attended in my past, I saw how an
Indian ethnic pastor and his wife ruled the members from a position of power
and authority. While the pastor’s sermons were satisfyingly meaty, his constant
raining of fire and brimstone approach was scary and intimidating in this day
and age. He also openly mocked church members be it at a Sunday service or a
Bible study night. Any youth who arrived late regardless of reason would
weather open humiliation from the pulpit. And as he poured scorn, everyone else
remained seated, silent and submissive.
Without a doubt, the pastor’s superior biblical knowledge set
him apart in church. He spoke God’s word powerfully. He had presence in
whatever he did or spoke. He exuded confidence and had spiritual stature. I was
told – though I never saw it myself – he was even known to ‘cast demons out.’
In short, he bristled with authority and he had no qualms projecting fear on to
anyone who disagreed with him.
During the Sundays when he wasn’t available, two other pastors
took turns to preach but when it came to the running of the church then, the
head pastor’s wife wielded authority with her trademark politicking,
favouritism and nepotism. Those in her books did very well but those who
questioned found themselves out of favour.
I was at that church for a little over two years before I grew
disillusioned by the rampant abuse and walked away. In the period of about eight
months, I actually stayed away from churches. Having weathered episodes of spiritual
leadership abuses, I was disheartened enough to want to take a break but in
that sabbatical, I heard news of others who also left that church. They
included ministry workers and at least one pastor and his whole family. I had
spoken to them and while some would not open up, a few did with bitterness and
anger.
Dr
Graham Barker, the head of the School of Counselling at the Wesley
Institute in Drummoyne, Australia offers four strong indicators of
spiritual abuse that are similarly found in secular abusive systems. These are
unspoken rules that we’d do well to know and share with others so we may all be
vigilant. They are as follows:
Don’t Trust
Those who are into abusive leadership work on two premises of
trust. Firstly they give out an undeniable impression that they are God’s
‘anointed’ and secondly, only their biblical interpretations and no one else’s
– especially yours – are trustworthy.
A distrust of the opinions of others can rub us off in the
wrong way. Invariably we lose confidence in our own judgements and even our
personal experiences as well because we can be told that we are ‘spiritually
immature.’
What is worse, of course, is if we do not make a habit of
reading the Bible, we can never tell if an abusive spiritual leader is even
right in the first place. In many cases, spiritually naïve members have held
their ‘knowledgeable’ church leaders in awe simply because of their incredulous
ability to accurately reel off verses from the Bible without looking. This
spells trouble when the leader is abusive because it may open troublesome
opportunities for him.
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Many years ago, our church fell into the grip of an outsider
whose gifting in biblical knowledge was extraordinary and impressive to watch.
When we heard that he wanted to join our church, many of us were joyous beyond
belief, thinking that this was a miraculous deliverance. His sermons were
authoritative but powerful. He could hold us in a trance with his incredible
ability to manoeuvre us from one end of the Bible to the other and back again.
And he did all of this effortlessly.
However, some of us felt something was amiss with him. There
were too many questions left unanswered about his past. There were things about
his past life that just didn’t add up no matter how he tried to explain them.
Inevitably, we discovered that he harboured heretical ideas in which he
believed Jesus had already returned and He was now in Korea waiting, and that
he – as in the likes of John the Baptist – was tasked to lead us there.
And in all of this, he expected us to simply trust him no
matter what. It did not matter if you liked Matthew Henry’s commentaries or you
found Spurgeon to be an inspiration because to this person, only he had the
truth.
Don’t Talk
Unless under direct strict observation, most abusive systems
do not encourage any form of group discussions with non-members. This nullifies
any hope that members can go for ‘outside’ help that may be offered by,
perhaps, third-party church members. The fear of course is that ‘outside
interference’ may offer alternative views that could dent the leader’s
authority.
In closed sects where abusive leadership is well documented,
members are disallowed from contacting not just those who had walked out (or
escaped) but those who may have been ostracised or bullied into submission by
the abusive leader. You cannot intervene or visit or attempt to arbitrate. Even
if you believe you can help solve the matter, an abusive totalitarian-type
leadership will rebuff your efforts. Instead those who have fallen out of
favour are usually alienated into submission until they begin to fall back into
line.
The only exception to the rule is when members report to
authorities of any delinquencies. I know from actual experiences that even
relatives of those who had fallen out of favour who attend the same church do
not talk about it because there is often a palpable sense of trepidation and
fear of reprisal and subsequent alienation.
If or when the situation worsens, these same relatives are
likely to be ‘asked’ to sever ties and separate themselves. The reason often
given is that they now have an adopted ‘family’ within the circle of church
membership who is better equipped to help them stay in the straight and narrow.
Don’t Think
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Known abusive spiritual leaders are not likely to encourage
members to think for themselves because our alternate views are scripturally
invalid, incorrect and inadmissible. On the other hand, the leader’s
standpoints on all biblical matters is always the unquestionable inerrant
truth.
The worse kinds will go beyond just scriptural perspectives to
even include harsh judgements made on personal lifestyles, choice of dressing,
acceptable jobs and even choice of marital partners. I witnessed in one of the
earlier churches I attended where the pastor’s wife would dictate spousal
choices to the utter dismay of her own children but even so, they did not speak
up against their mother until disaster struck, resulting in their eldest son
divorcing the wife who was chosen for him.
For many of these leaders, thinking can only remain
independent if they have been checked and approved beforehand. Otherwise, it
can be looked upon as a sign of rebellion or disloyalty in which case, you will
be treated as a very troublesome member who may somehow need to be dealt with
in one way or another.
Don’t Question
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Abusive leaderships certainly do not entertain any challenges
to their authority in the form of questions. You may not like the decision they
have made but you are expected to go along with it. You might not agree with it
but you are to be submissive. You may end up being openly humiliated, berated
or ostracised but you are expected to cop it on the chin.
My earlier church experiences offered glimpses into this very
powerful rule of authoritarian and abusive leaderships. I have spoken to those
who had been on the receiving end of such abuse and they inherently will reveal
that they were often silenced into acquiescing to whatever they are told to
listen to or do or take action. In other words, their questions were
inconsequential or moot.
You can read more about Dr Barker’s four rules here.
Alternatively, copy this URL: http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf
* * * * * * * * *
Spiritual leadership abuse is not as uncommon as some of us
think. Man being man and sin being inherent in all of man, it means that those
who do God’s work are just as vulnerable as those in the secular world.
Spiritual leadership abuse can be transparent. It can happen when we are least aware.
It can take place among the best of us. And it can be far more devastating in
effect than we assume.
Perhaps the hardest part for any church-going believer to
accept is that, everyone could have been a contributor to the leadership abuse.
By acceding all authority to the pastor, we could lose the mandate to question.
By submissively believing that pastors hold the truth and we know not, we have
surrendered any right to be transparent. By keeping quiet – lest we get
ourselves into ‘trouble’ – we are only helping to breed monsters. And when it
comes to breeding monsters, the church is not a whole lot different from any
corporate office.
None of this means we should advocate revolt in the church. But
it pays to understand Paul’s teachings in 1 Corinthians 10:1-22 and perhaps,
encourage your pastor to willingly discuss this in the open with the whole
congregation and then hold a dialogue at cell group level so that everyone can
have a proper slice of understanding.
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