What is Life Without Love? (Part Two/Final)

What is Life Without Love? (Part Two/Final)

From the first three verses in Part One, we now look conclusively at the biblical overview of the entire Chapter 13 of First Corinthians

Khen Lim




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More than face value

Even though the world talks incessantly about love, that love usually comes with conditions or it is compromised. There is no pure love that any of us know of without a catch somewhere. Yet none of this applies to what we know of love in the strictest Pauline sense and this is best characterised in 1 Corinthians 13. For what Paul teaches us about love, we find it nowhere more inspiring, more enlightening and more meaningful.

In fact, here is the most wonderful lesson that man can ever endear himself to learn most constructively. Paul reminds us that love isn’t just romantically motivated. Neither is it exclusively familial. Love in fact is the cornerstone of all relationships we engage in. Rather than the myopic view that it is confined to amorousness, love should be pervasive in life. We should therefore demonstrate it to all whom we meet be it in the workplace, while shopping, at a coffee chat and especially in church.

Paul has neatly used his letter to the Corinthians to produce two clear lists showing what love is and isn’t and in tying the both up, he underlines the important role that attitude plays. Here, he reminds us that saying I love you is no more meaningful than saying sorry if we hardly mean it at all. If we genuinely love someone, what value is it if we turn around and spite his face? 

Love isn’t just a word but more importantly, it is an attitudinal approach to life. It should define how we treat others. If we’re genuine about our love, the people around us will sense it and know our sincerity. If we’re insincere about our love for a person, no amount of pretence will help us disguise our antipathy because no matter how hard we try, eventually we will be found out. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 pretty much talks about how our attitude helps us to express our love.

The quality of love, as Paul expresses, isn’t just about saying I love you and meaning it. There are a lot of dimensions to love that come through the way we express ourselves. If we truly love a person right from within our heart, we should have no problems waiting patiently instead of scowling and pouting. If our love is real, we would be kind-hearted, thoughtful, trusting and reliable. 

True love also means that in all our relationships, there is parity and consistency. It cannot be such that we love someone so perfectly but treat another with scorn. In the other list, we look into how and what love isn’t and from it, we need to examine if we are ever plagued by envy, covetousness or pride. Do we exploit relationships by boasting? Does our brusqueness rear its ugly head? Are we so short of fuse that we end up incinerating those who are near us?

Love ain’t just love

Paul’s two lists aren’t just for us to use on others. They are for us to check ourselves when we look at the mirror. So when we think there are those who need to rethink their attitudes towards others, maybe we should consider if that’s how others view us as well. In fact, at this point, we should take note of the multifaceted aspects of that single word love. 

In modern times we may say love but in New Testament Greek (Koine Greek), we can be very specific of what it really actually means. When Jesus asked Peter three times, “Do you love Me?” while having breakfast after His resurrection (Jn 21:15-17), we have a very interesting dialogue of how the word love is interchangeably defined.

While there are many possible reasons why Jesus would twice repeat the same question, equally so, it isn’t lost on any Bible scholar that Peter would have felt the miserable gravity of having denied his Master thrice. Yet the interesting contrast is how the Greek word for love is used in these verses.

In the first two times Jesus asked Peter, He used the word agápe (ἀγάπη), which focuses on the sacrificial nature of love. This is where we give up something precious in our lives in expressing our love for someone. That something precious might just end up being our very own lives. On both occasions, Peter replied but he used the word philia (φιλία), which is more like brotherly or friendship type of love. 

On the third count, Jesus turned to the use of the word philia instead though the question remains similar. In this dialogue, Jesus chose not to compel Peter (or anyone else for that matter) to have the same qualities of love though it was clear that He framed the questions to help him understand his role as the leader of the new Church, the Body of Christ there in Jerusalem that will be responsible for spreading the Gospel after His ascension into heaven. Yet the lesson is not lost on all of us that we make our own personal choices in our attitude of love towards others.

[Note: The Bible recognises four types of love. Agápe (ἀγάπη) references sacrificial (or unconditional) love as in the love of God for man and of man for God. The second, Éros (ἔρως), relates to sexual passionate or physically intimate love. It’s where the English word erotic comes from. The third, Philia (φιλία), talks about affectionate friendship love and loyalty usually between siblings. The fourth and last, Storge (στοργή) is about love, devotion and empathetic affection normally found in parents towards their children.]   

In John 13:34-35 (NLT), Jesus said, “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are My disciples.” 

Exegetically, the love used in these two verses is agápe. Having and making the choice to love others as Jesus loves us is not only a suggestion that Paul offers in 1 Corinthians 13 but it is also a command that Christ has given to those of us who call ourselves Christians.

The fifteen values of love

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So what is this brand of love Paul espouses? There are fifteen separate virtues according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. He portrays them using fifteen verbs in which love becomes an action and not an emotion. From verse 4, he summarises love as being patient in which we must be willing to wait on others to the point of being long-suffering.

We are to be kind in goodwill and harmony towards others but that doesn’t mean we suffer fools gladly. On the other hand, we show kindness when we exercise tough love. When we see someone wasting his life away addicted to drugs, putting him through a detox program would be hellish but it would turn out to be good for him.

Love is not jealous, meaning that we should not be displeased with someone else’s success. It doesn’t only mean that we pray for our enemies to be saved but we also pray for those whom we are jealous of.

Love means never to be prideful or egotistical. We should steer away from being big-headed and instead show a big heart. The more loving we become, the less we should brag about it. The more gifted we are, the more humble we ought to become, which also means that love shouldn’t be arrogant too. While a prideful person covets praise, one who is arrogant will want power and has no qualms in stepping on people to get where and what they want. Instead God desires that we show grace in our love for others.

Love must not make us act unbecomingly. Not being rude is what it means. If telling things the way they are means hurting people, Paul says don’t. In a situation like this, learning to be diplomatic is important. Honesty isn’t an excuse here. Being courteous, gracious and tactful is what we should be.

Love also should not seek its own, meaning we should not use it to insist upon our own rights. While the world justifies the inexorable push towards self-importance, Paul emphasises that try as he might, a self-absorbed narcissistic person doesn’t really know how to love because it doesn’t insist on its own way but always happy to defer to others.

Love cannot be provoked. It does not give in to emotional tantrums and outrages. It is unperturbed by trivial irritations and it does not allow us to get under one’s skin whether or not we think we have a right. In other words, real love is not touchy-feely.

Love keeps no record of being wronged. Every harm done to us is not for us to vengefully settle one day. We can’t love and keep feeling unfairly wronged. Such love is like the pain caused by a dagger stabbed into our hearts.

Love doesn’t take joy in injustices but rather in truth. Instead of drawing pleasure from hearing awful news, Paul prefers that we focus on how love and truth go like hand in a glove. The righteousness of love is a natural companion to truth. It is this truth that we discern our love with and hence, find irresistible.

Love knows no surrender for it endures through all circumstances. Love is like a roof over our heads; it is a covering that protects us from hostility. Its exact meaning can be found in 1 Peter 4:8 (NLT), which says that “love covers a multitude of sins.” It goes the extra mile in protecting another person’s reputation. It means we don’t go about loving a person and then critiquing and trumpeting his bad news to others. We are not to nit-pick a person’s flaws nor air his dirty linen for others to know.

In love, we don’t lose faith but we believe all things. Our love should be ready to face all comers and no matter the outcome, we don’t lose heart. We give everyone the benefit of the doubt. We see the best in people and we count our blessings and be grateful for what we have and not what we don’t. We are undeterred in doing good because our love always trusts in being virtuous.

In love, there is always hope. In other words, there is a step beyond just believing. It is a sense of optimism that things will always be alright no matter how bleak they may look. Even amidst the gloomiest people, we still see a better tomorrow. Love offers us a positive forward outlook regardless of how that silver lining might seem hard to find. If you think Paul is a little too idealistic and not pragmatic, think again. In rejecting the finality of failure, he reminds us that God is in the business of producing spiritual exceptionalism out of nothing.

Love outlasts everything. No matter the circumstances, endurance is love’s guarantee. Love will fight till the end and still won’t give up. Love holds fast to those who feel the real depth (of love). It perseveres and never surrenders even in the face of rejection. Love acts to shake up the unshakeable. Love isn’t just about the present; it offers us a larger picture of what the future has in store for us.

Christ is love

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If these fifteen values of love make us sit back and think, that’s probably because Paul wanted us to do that in the first place. He knew that the Corinthians had very little idea of what they understood to be love and not surprisingly, despite the benefit of hindsight, we still don’t know any better. In all respects of these values that the apostle espoused, it’s not incorrect to say that on all points, we’re diametrically opposite that of verses 4 to 7.

In gist, what Paul’s fifteen outlines of love tell us is God’s penultimate gift to us in Jesus Christ. It’s not difficult to see how – all you have to do is to replace the word ‘Christ’ with ‘love’ when you see it and when you do that, you’ll realise that all the statements continue to make sense and they remain true. The brand of love Paul advocates in 1 Corinthians 13 comes in its purest form from God and is seemingly beyond our grasp that is, unless we abide in Christ and let Him shape our lifestyle for us. Not only is it through Christ only can we have this gift of eternal love but He’s also the only One to pave the way for us to love the way the way He intended us to.

Let’s Talk About Love…

Khen Lim

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We all know how overrated the phrase I love you is these days. We think it conveys selfless caring but in reality, it’s more like self-importance with a hidden agenda. Chapter 13 of Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth shows us how love is defined and why his understanding of God’s definition remains till today, the most persuasive and convincing.

Why not see how you go with these questions:

1.  What is so wrong about using our gifts without love? (vv1-3)
2. How would you explain each of Paul’s fifteen values of love? (vv4-7)
3. Paul’s supremacy of love is best summed up in verses 8 to 13. As opposed to love, why does he give us the impression that spiritual gifts, on the other hand, have limited value?
4. In verse 10, Paul says “when the time of perfection comes” (NLT), which some take it to mean the end of the New Testament and with that, the elimination of our need for the gifts he described earlier such as prophecy, speaking in unknown languages or attainment of special knowledge (v8). However, there are others who understand it as the time when Christ returns. In view of Paul’s other analogous comparisons in verses 11 and 12, which interpretation do you favour and why.  
5.  Paul’s last verse in Chapter 13 is very substantial and provocative. Why is love greater than faith or hope? (v13)
6. Which aspect of love do you think you need to develop the most?
7.  As the above article suggests, Paul’s outlining of the fifteen values of love offer us a portrait of Jesus as the penultimate definition of love. Now, read verses 4 to 7 once again but this time, replace the word ‘love’ with ‘Christ.’ What impression of Jesus’ care have you gained from this little exercise?