Fatherhood in the Trust of God (Part 2 of 2)

Fatherhood in the Trust of God (Part 2 of 2)

A personal testimony to how God touched me in my love for my children

Khen Lim

Image source: Beliefnet

Never too busy for them

Although in my semi-retirement my routines are not so stringent anymore, I still have a schedule to follow. I don’t travel far to work anymore. I don’t work for any mortal boss and I don’t need to face down any threats of retrenchment like I had in my past. 

Still I do have a boss that I labour joyously for and that is God and that is why I try very hard to keep up with this website. I understand many readers in more than ninety countries around the world who visit and read and in my gratefulness, I do my best to produce worthy things to read every week.

Apart from writing articles for my website, I have a long-term book project where I am now doing wholesale rewriting and updating concerning the history of the English Bible. As you may appreciate, it takes up a lot of time but I’m not on a strict deadline but nonetheless, it warrants attention even if it’s every now and then. Time is hard to come by and when I have a breather in between everything, I try to squeeze in the chance to add a little more every bit possible.

Then there is the weekly class I conduct where I teach English Communications to a bunch of mid-to-late school teenagers. I’ve been doing this for a little more than two years and the fruits are bearing. I use these classes to inject the presence of God as and where possible. 

More importantly, God’s relevance is often justifiable in the things I teach them. The sense of fulfilment comes from the response I get from kids who are mostly unbelievers but the work to get to where I am with them has been punishing because I develop my own curriculum. With God’s help, this has brought incredible rewards. But it draws considerable time and effort.

All of this are often difficult enough to juggle, what with the twins require attention as well. The hardest part of it all are the intermittent interruptions where I would be in the middle of writing and then I’m needed to go fix them milk, change their diapers, check to see if they’ve poohed or simply attend to them. 

Getting the balance right is pretty impossible – just when I think everything is in its place, something will go wrong and whatever writing I’m doing will just have to stop even if that means, losing that train of thought and starting all over again.

With so much going on – even in my semi-retirement – it’s not easy to slice out some time for the twins but it has to be done. That’s called sacrifice and that means pulling out the stops in the name of love. It also means putting their needs ahead in my priority list. Ultimately what it means is that I can never be too busy for my twins. And if somehow I couldn’t and didn’t spend enough time with them, it is essential that I do something to make up the time.

It’s about showing how important they are to me. I need to always assure them that they matter to me. Importantly therefore, actions are more important than mere words and empty promises.

Be an exemplar for Christ

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It’s one thing to call oneself a Christian but it’s quite another to live the life of one. That is possible one of several reasons why so many Christian families see their children leave church when they’re old enough to decide. As a  Christian, it is heartbreaking to hear this but it is the sounding of a warning from God that when we don’t live true Christian lives, our children will show us the outcome.

To lead by example is something parents have the responsibility to do. The lives that God gave to parents are for us to lead our children to Christ and the only way this is possible is when we provide them the incentive and inspiration to do so. The life of Jesus does not leap out of the pages of the Bible if children see their parents display the most un-Christian behaviour whether it is within the four walls of their own homes or in public.

So when it comes to leading by example, there are some simple things for us fathers to observe. Here are eight of them (although perhaps, you can add to the list yourself):

-        Do the work ourselves

Get hands on deck and do the work ourselves. In other words, do not shirk the things that we are required to do. Fatherhood requires us to act and behave like fathers. Fathers have roles cut out that are unique and specific. They may not be the same as what mothers do but they’re important in their own way. So let our children see that results come from diligent work and the way this is done is to learn to rely on our own selves.

“So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is our lot in life. And no one can bring us back to see what happens after we die.” (Ecc 3:22, NLT)

-        Careful what we say

Watch what comes out of our mouths. If we have nothing nice to say to anyone, it’s best to keep our traps shut (2 Tim 2:16) because kids will adopt the sort of things we say including common phrases and expressions. In other words, whether it is good or bad things, kids will learn from us. If we swear openly or practise profanity, don’t be surprise if we hear our kids mimic us one day.

“Avoid worthless, foolish talk that only leads to more godless behaviour.” (2 Tim 2:16, NLT)

-        Openly respect our wives

We should openly show respect for our own spouses whether it is making decisions together or discussing anything that affects the family. Spousal respect not only holds the family together but make it possible for kids to see how marriages can actually work. In these days of quick and easy divorces, this is not only an important value to uphold but is a sure route to happiness among the children.

“In the same way, you husbands must give honour to your wives. Treat your wives with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Pt 3:7)

-        Develop a listening ear

Listen to everyone in the family including our own kids. Everyone’s opinions count regardless of age or seniority. When we allow our kids to draw our attention to what they need to say, we allow them to appreciate how much value everyone has in the family. Listening more and talking less is what makes everyone in the family wonderful listeners. When that happens, our kids won’t be going elsewhere when they have problems they want to share.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” (Jm 1:19, NLT)

-        Hold ourselves accountable

Learn to take responsibility over everything we say and do especially when it comes to faults and mistakes. Taking accountability will bring awareness to the importance of kids owning up to their own actions as well. It helps them to understand that there is no shame in being true to ourselves and to our loved ones. It’s also an early building block for them to gain a more mature character.

“For we are each responsible for our own conduct. Those who are taught the Word of God should provide for their teachers, sharing all good things with them.” (Gal 6:5-6, NLT)

-        Lead the kids to Christ

Inspire the kids to develop their sense of curiosity about God that leads to knowing Him. In order for this to flourish, talking about God and teaching them to pray as early as possible is key to their spiritual growth and awareness. 

Apart from attending Sunday School, we parents must invest our own time and effort in guiding them at home, helping them shape their faith and understanding and most importantly, open the way for them to love Him with all their hearts.

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” (Mk 12:30-31, NLT)

-        Inspire creativity in them

Bring their creativity to full bloom. In order to do that, it’s not just the space we give but we fathers must also provide the necessary encouragement and support. Whether it’s watching them perform in a musical or a concert or whatever activity it is that they’re involved in, our commitment is to be there. 

We need to stir their curiosity to discover things that they can be proud of. Rather than simply throw the information at them, we must help them independently to develop ideas instead of simply accepting what everyone tells them.

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” (Prov 22:6, NLT)

-        Don’t overdo things

In all of this, we fathers must not run out of steam. We can’t go around doing everything but looking after our own selves. We need the time to take a break. We need the opportunity to take a deep breath and just sit back every now and then. Otherwise, we may not be able to enjoy the fruits of our labour, which is the pleasure in watching our kids grow up.

“Don’t wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit.” (Prov 23:4, NLT)

Praise God so that they can do the same

Image source: Greg Olsen

With God’s miracles happening everywhere in our lives, praising God should not be a problem for believers. To acknowledge God’s hand in the things we achieve is important so that children can understand that in all that we do, successfully or otherwise, God is in control:

“You can make many plans but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” (Prov 19:21, NLT)

Not everyone is easy to understand. Sometimes, we fathers appear very complex to our children. They don’t have a clue what’s on our minds. They look at us, intrigued by the impression that we seem to be in a different world altogether. They struggle, in other words, to figure out what we stand for at times. 

Knowing all of this, we fathers must try to be simpler and more straightforward with our children. We can do this by making it very clear to them what it is that we care for the most and what we strive to live for. And we need to do this not just once in a blue moon but to make sure that it is frequently enough to resonate in their lives.

What this means, therefore, is that we must not be so discrete about how we praise God almost as if we’re too ashamed to show it in the family. Nothing should be private about the way God deserves to be praised. Let our kids know this through our actions. Let them experience it in our family prayers. Let them really understand why He is so praiseworthy in our everyday lives within the family, in private, in public and in our workplaces. Jesus is way beyond wonderful that we should ever consider such a low profile approach.

After all, if we don’t show how much we praise the Lord for how He has sustained all of us, how will our children ever learn to do the same? If all we do is to leave all these to our pastors and Sunday School teachers to teach them, then what real roles do we fathers play at home?

Be the source of encouragement they need

Image source: Greg Olsen

The hardest thing we fathers can ever do, I guess, is to let our children run free. We know that will happen one day but the stages of independence will come fast. Before we know it, we’ll see them off on their first day in kindergarten. Next will come their prep school and high school will follow on seamlessly. The next big step will be university and it will hurt more if it’s not a local one. And of course, the most significant one – the one that all our preparation work on them is meant for – is when they get married and lead their own family lives.

In us understanding the big picture, we must come to realise that all the way through their growing up days, we should be not only be their guiding hand in accordance to Christ’s principles and values but we need to be their biggest and most vociferous cheerleaders. 

But before we can do all these, the fundamental principle is to set the kids free in going after what God has called them to do in their lives, to follow Christ wherever He leads them and to be all-out for Him with all their hearts. Let them know that whatever it is they end up doing, Christ and not money is the true barometer.

When I realised that at twenty years of age, I didn’t want to continue pursuing my university course in Economics, I had a problem convincing my father. In fact, for a tense fortnight, he did not speak to me and neither did he pick up the phone to encourage me. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with me and why I was so problematic unlike ‘other children.’ 

I ever manually wrote him a 20-page letter – no computer or Microsoft Word those days! – to try explaining my inner feelings about everything I understood in my life, which wasn’t an easy thing to do at that age but I did all I could. Finally it took my uncle to convince my father to set me free to pursue the very things that I would be happy with. That was when I left Economics and went to Journalism and once I did that, my academic life prospered and I did well.

Over the years, I gained the maturity in understanding that worldly success is not as important as keeping Christ in our sights and minds as we progress in life. Once I understood the importance of doing so, bringing children up becomes a challenge in translating that as accurately to them. Unlike everything else, this will be the passing of the baton that means everything to my wife and I. As a father, if I fail here, I will have failed God.

Show them our walk with God

Image source: Greg Olsen

I always remember my ex-pastor tell me the account of his younger life as a seminary student in Melbourne when he fully relied on God to see him through. Being from a poor family, money was beyond tight – no extra cent was there that he could indulge in anything. Every dollar and cent was accounted for in getting through his course at the Bible College of Victoria while he and his wife lived on-campus. But for whatever reason, the money dried up before they could get to the very end of his course. In fact, he did not have the money to even get the air fares to go home.

However, he didn’t seem too perturbed by it. He did not break out and panic but instead, he and his wife got down on their knees and prayed, knowing that God will not desert them in such a time of need. Yet of course we all know how unseemly the extra money was ever going to come from especially when one is caught so far away from home. In the outer stretches of Greater Melbourne where they lived and studied, Malaysia was nowhere in sight and even if it were, there was no one back home that he could actually depend on to ferry the necessary money across.

But one day, against the grain of normalcy, he woke up to a morning punctuated by a nice little surprise. Slipped right under the door of their room was a sealed envelope. Reading the envelope, revealed the addressee being him but there was no clue as to who sent it. When he opened the envelope, the money he’d been praying for was all there. Not a dollar more. Not a dollar less. And yes, of course, courtesy of God’s deliverance, he and his wife and their newborn daughter found their way home after he successfully picked up his theology degree.

The key to this story is his walk with Christ. He was never short of this. He does this every day and he passed this on to everyone in his family who, inspired by his example, are all a reflection of his relationship with God.

It is important for fathers to allow their children to see them in prayer, spend quiet time with God, studious with the Bible and share the Word with others. This form of witnessing makes followers of children who first must begin by knowing God through their fathers’ actions and conduct:

“Students are not greater than their teacher. But the student who is fully trained will become like the teacher.” (Lk 6:40, NLT)

However, it is equally as important that we do not put up a show for them to see. What we do isn’t supposed to be a theatrical spectacle but something that springs genuinely from without our hearts’ intention. We require no display of drama but just a quiet way of doing things that are meaningful to the Lord. We can pray simply by being on our knees and closing our eyes but we don’t have to behave as if we’re spitting fire and brimstone from a pedestal.

Children should not have to guess if Jesus is the Lord of their fathers’ hearts. Neither should they feel doubts about Jesus being the centre of their household as well. In both cases, they must be sure of it. They must have enough evidence to be comforted that indeed, Jesus is at the heart of the lives of the whole family. 

At the same time, it isn’t just our conduct. As fathers setting good examples, it would mean even more when their children watch them serve in church in whatever capacity. In all honesty, they don’t need to see their fathers as leaders of any particular ministry. Just being an integral cog in the body of Christ offers sufficient witnessing.

In summary, here are the kinds of things we fathers can do that our children can see in us:

-        Demonstrate a great love of the Gospel

-        Serve in any capacity in church

-        Be seen to love Christ with all our hearts

-        Make it known that Jesus is the Master of our household

-        Bear witness to our friends, family members and neighbours

-        Tithed even when we appear incapable of doing so

-        Set the tone at home for all Christ-like behaviour

In the end, create a home that is filled with joyousness, happiness, transparency and comfort. Let our children sense the presence of God wherever we are at home.

God must be larger than life

Image source: Greg Olsen

As believers, we are familiar with our God. For some of us with first-hand encounters in our walk, God is huge in our lives. Touched by the Lord’s hand, these experiences continue to resonate and the testimonies we give in our cell groups or church proper define our special relationship with the Father of Fatherhood. 

From Him, we have lived that extra dimension in life that is inaccessible to unbelievers. This extra dimension allows God to become the centrepiece in our hearts and minds and by His standards, He has commanded us to be obedient to Him.

For all of this, there is a reason why Genesis is the first book in the whole of the Bible. And that reason is that God wants all of us to know that He is the Creator, our Creator. He created us in His image and He was pleased. We were to be the epicentre in the dominion over all life on Earth. We were to be the extension of who He is in holiness. Parts of Psalm 139 offer us a powerful poetic idea of this wonderful creation power of God:

“O Lord, You have examined my heart and you know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!” (Ps 139:1-6, NLT)

But there is more. From verses 13 to 16, the Psalmist beautifully praises God for that wonderful moment of creation:

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous – how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Ps 139:13-16, NLT)

And then in ending verses 23 and 24, we witness the most powerful meaning behind our relationship with God in which we ask Him to sense our love for Him and to correct us where we’re wrong so that we may be righteous before His sovereignty:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (Ps 139:23-24, NLT)

The heart of the psalmist – widely thought to be David himself – is fully on display here. Just as it was beneficial for David to request that of God, it is the same for us fathers to do the same. We know of David’s sincerity and his strong desire to please God, which is why in that context, he is an outstanding example for all of us. When we humbly go before Him and ask that He searches us, to try us and to reveal our iniquities and then put us back on the right path, we have the complete confidence that we will be better servants to do His bidding.

In the same way, we inculcate this in our children. We tell them the truth by beginning with the fact that before time began for each of us, God had already chosen us. They need to know this and when they do, watch their expression because I’m sure we’d learn something very substantial from the way they react.

Did God really think of me? Me? Before I was even born?

And then deliver the power punch – tell your children that they are loved by God before they were given their names. The fundamental principle of making God larger than life for our children is to establish that relationship in love. The way therefore is to open that door so that they may feel the glow and warmth of God’s love for them. They will love it.

No matter what, love them

Image source: Jeremy Winborg

As I’m finding out along the first sixteen months – we’re now into their seventeenth as I write this – looking after the twins has hardly been a piece of cake. As a father, I have our fun times but I’ve also seen some pretty bleak ones too. When they’re playful, the joy is in abundance. They laugh and my wife and I love it. Even when they cry, it can be an opportunity to draw close.

But in their earliest encounter with colic, it was hell on earth because there’s nothing anyone can do to help alleviate it. There was gripe water but no one really knows how effective it really is. Some say it is but we know from experience that there is no proof proper. Still we grit our teeth and minute by minute, even though the darkest of nights, go through the storm with them. 

The very worst episode of colic drove us helpless an hour past midnight on one occasion where we were left with no choice but to head to the hospital. Other than that, colic was an experience in being there for the kids but not knowing what else we could do.

The most merciful part of colic was that it lasted only a few weeks but teething was a completely different hell again. Right now, both girls have around ten baby teeth with at least another ten more to go before the whole set is out. Of these, we now know that the most painful ones for the kids involve the four first and then the next four second molars. 

Being the largest in the set, they would responsible for the kids’ most torrid meltdowns I have ever seen but for us, parents, the hardest part to accept is that teething could take a better part of one whole year to see through.

Because I have twins, teething is a full stereophonic experience. You don’t just go through it once but it’s like being in an echo chamber. When one gets it, I’d know the other isn’t too far away and so I need to brace for twice the period for every new teeth that comes out. I don’t know what could come worse than teething. If what I’ve been enduring is terrible, I cannot imagine how much more parents like us will need to go through while we hold their hands and help them along.

I guess the most difficult part of teething for the kids isn’t the diarrhoea or even the fever. It’s definitely not the salivating, I’m sure. It’s when the teeth more excruciatingly through the gums as they work their way into visibility. That must be as painful as I can imagine because you can tell from the volume and desperation of their cries. 

While diarrhoea and fever can be treated symptomatically, the movement of the teeth – in particular, the great molars – is unavoidable. And so when they cry, all we can do is to look at them and wish we could take that pain away and make it better.

Sometimes, it has nothing to do with either colic or teething. Kids being kids, the natural tendency to be naughty is a characteristic that all of us would have had in different measures. They climb when we know it’s dangerous. They want to touch things that we are aware is risky. They do all sorts of things that can make us miss a few heartbeats. 

And as they’re twins, they wrestle over possession of toys and even at such a young age, they have interesting ways to snarl at one another. At other times, they can just erupt into tempestuous cries that neither my wife nor I can get them to stop for the next half an hour. When this happens in the car, it’s pandemonium horribilis.

No matter how trying the moments can be in our last sixteen months, we still love them. Whatever it is that they do or don’t do, our love doesn’t wane. Naughtiness may make us mad for one minute but in the next, we coo and love them no less. They may cry and cause us sleepless nights but it doesn’t take much to turn us around and love them no differently. It seems that nothing they can do will ever stop us from loving them.

The funny thing about all this is that it strikes a familiar chord in our relationship with the Father. As He seeks to teach and correct us, He may discipline us for our wrongdoings but that is only because He loves us. 

And no matter how much we have sinned, by our contrition before Him and seeking His forgiveness through Christ, He forgives us and loves us no less. In fact, it seems true here as well that nothing can separate us from His unending love. Perhaps the most powerful ever statement that the Father has made in Scripture to underline His love for us is best found here:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His One and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (Jn 3:16, NIV)

While it is surely one of the most famous Bible verses known, it speaks volumes about what God actually did in His love to save us. We are known to do things that make us unlovable. We may have committed sins that are atrocious enough to shun God. We certainly have allowed enough venom to come from our mouths to not deserve any forgiveness from Him. 

But God is grace. God has unfathomable love for us. God’s love is inexplicably deep and has no human conception of limitations. His is unending love never to be fully understood yet we know Him as such. Yet we feel that in Him all the time. 

Although none of this means that we can simply go on sinning knowing that God will easily forgive us, what it does tell us is that when we draw close to Him in remorse, He allows us to find that nook of warmth in His forgiveness.

In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul puts it very nicely:

“Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil – the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature, we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy and He loved us so much that even though we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when He raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For He raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.” (Eph 2:1-6, NLT)

So the next time our kids seem to be tearing at the roots of our hairs, we need to take time to have a breather so that we may think things through a little more measuredly. We can ask God in a simple prayer, “Lord, I really need some extra calmness right this very second” and it shall be done. 

In my experiences, I have yet to see God not respond to a plea like this. The day may threaten to unravel but in Christ, we can remain unperturbable. All we need to do is ask. Once we’ve done that, it is amazing to feel how much love we still have for our kids.

Inspire them to love the church

Image source: David Bowman

The only way this can happen is when parents get involved in loving the church. If parents are indifferent to church involvement, it’s hard to see the kids doing anything differently. As the apostle Paul says in his letter to the Ephesians, to love the church is the love Christ:

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her…” (Eph 5:25, NLT)

Another way of looking at the word ‘church’ is to consider that indeed, we are the church. Ephesians 5:22-24 slightly preceding the above verse is a call to all husbands and wives to reflect on Christ’s relationship with all of us who make up the church in relationship to one another:

“For wives, this means submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Saviour of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” (Eph 5:22-24, NLT)

Scripture says something very revealing about the importance of children to God:

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.” (Ps 127:3, NIV)

And therefore, we must cherish them with all our might and in doing so, bring them to church and allow them to bloom. Children are given graciously by God even as Jacob replied his brother Esau on his return home (Gen 33:5). The part about children being God’s heritage reflects His love for us and that they are a gift – a reward – to us fathers so that we may also love them well. Moses in the Book of Deuteronomy teaches God’s people how we should love the children:

“Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” (Dt 11:19, NLT)

Incidentally, the ‘them’ part refers to the learning of the Gospel and the commandments of God.

In other words, we as fathers must set aside time to be with our children. Not just during the perfunctory mealtimes but during the hours we can spare for them. For them to love the church, first they must love us. They cannot love us unless we show them every reason to do so. The bonding between the father and the children begins from childbirth. 

So rather than wean them off as quickly as possible to some maid to perform all the chores of upbringing, we should treasure every moment we have in spending it with them. The cuddles we give, the pats we offer as they sleep, the little morsels of soft food we feed them, the joy of bathing them and even the effort we put to wipe their pooh and clean their bottoms. No job is too demeaning that we should let someone else do and the more we do all of these for our children, the closer we become to them.

The relationship we strike with our children must begin as early as possible. We cannot wait till they’re teens before we decide it’s time to have that fatherly talk because by then, the bond won’t be strong enough. 

When we start early, they gel mentally and emotionally. Once we achieve this, children will listen adoringly to their fathers who can then tell them about Christ and His church. We can paint that picture of divinity, sovereignty, love and faith. We can start to read them the Bible. We can tell them wonderful stories from the Old Testament. We can illuminate them with all the parables that Jesus said in the Gospels. We can help them establish their walk with God.

It is only when this grounding is given root, children will pine for church. However it is not a flash-in-the-pan one-time effort. It is as progressive as it is a work in progress. In other words, it is unfinished because we must keep on adding to our effort and encouragement. 

As long as we bring up our children, it is never completed because we need to hone our support through our testimonies and how we live our lives in front of them. Children check us out to find reasons to attend or not attend church.

When they are of age and they don’t like what they see in church or in our own families, they won’t be staying. That’s where the dangers lie when fathers take their eyes off their kids when it comes to their spirituality and scriptural awareness. Deuteronomy 11:19 already offers us the confirmation that teaching, leading and exemplifying before our children is a never-ending 24/7 project.

Yet none of this suggests that we force them to convert or pressure them into engaging in church activities. Either method will not only not work but will spell complete disaster. No kid wants to be coerced into doing anything he doesn’t feel like or want to. 

Giving your child the perfect reason to attend church and get involved is to offer them the flawless ideal of following and loving Christ. No better way then is there than to be amazing fathers to our children because other than being the superheroes they look up to, no one else fits our shoes that perfectly.

When we finally begin to bring our children to church, expect the unexpected. In other words, be aware that no church is perfect. There are people who have good intentions but they still act and say foolish and hurtful things. There are also those who behave in ways that compel our children to ask us to explain. 

Things can get sticky every now and then especially when they seek to know why adults like us behave the way we do even in church. Sometimes even we fathers might not say the right things or react in the proper way and then have our children catch us out.

When such things happen, we are to teach them fairly but honestly. We must not spare the ugliness but explain using Scripture to substantiate what we say. More importantly, we need to choose the right words so that our children may grasp the meaning more appropriately. Be as reasonable as we are realistic and compassionate when we talk to our children. 

Make special allowances that they are children, Christian children. Demonstrate to them how church life does not have to be oppressive as some might make it out to be. Remember that we are to do the very best we can to provide our children with as many wonderful reasons for not just going to church but staying put:

“Direct your children on to the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” (Prov 22:6, NLT)

This, however, is not an iron-clad guarantee. They is no way for us to reassure ourselves that our children will never ever depart from church but for that, the rest that we can’t do, Christ will do them for us. We just need to train them up in a way they should go. Beyond that, God takes over.

Demonstrate a life of faith

Image source: BYU Magazine

The most fundamental truth in this is that we should live out our faith in the most simplistic and practical way. No need for theological complexities. No complicated or convoluted principles. Just stick to the basics and let them shine. Walk that walk and more crucially, walk that talk we just gave our children. 

Make it look real. Make it demonstrate a life filled with faith in Christ. And make sure they understand what that means in terms of the ‘big picture’ of salvation and the key to the Kingdom of Heaven:

“I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you lose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” (Mt 16:19, NIV)

What Jesus just said to Peter in the above verse, He reiterated it to underline its importance (Mt 18:18). Being ‘keys’ mean they are a vested authority (Lk 11:52) that are given for us to open doors and these doors that Jesus has authorised Peter to open will allow in the Jews on the Day of Pentecost (Acts 2), to the Samaritans after Philip has preached (Acts 8:14-17) and then to the Gentiles once he himself has received the vision from God and an appeal from Cornelius (Acts 10).

As to the ‘bind’ and the ‘bound’ and then the ‘lose’ and the ‘loosed,’ these are concepts popular within the Jewish community for whom Matthew wrote this. They understand these in terms of the rabbinical authority in the forbidding and permitting of certain cultural practices. 

The verse therefore confirms that Jesus gave Peter and the Apostles authority over the doctrinal truths and practices that were prevalent in the days of the post-resurrection church and through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, they would also be vested in the wisdom to know what to bind and lose.

This same authority is still relevant today in our local churches although certainly not in the same vein as during Peter’s days. Though today they lack the apostolic supernatural spirit, they still possess the Holy Spirit and have the whole New Testament to provide the necessary direction. Their faith therefore lies in the authority to exercise discipline in a humble and prayerful manner. 

As they act with divine approval, they carry out God’s will, meaning that such authority is not carried out using personal qualities but instead from the power of Scripture and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Needless to say, the best demonstration of our faith in Christ is to walk with Him but to make it simple and easy for our children to understand, it needs to be practical. What we therefore can do is to abide by a statement of faith that we can use to guide us on a daily basis. It is this statement that must then be as straightforward as possible.

Here is a nice example of just such a statement to build on:

-        We fathers put God first in our lives. We acknowledge His divine sovereignty and hence, yield to Him, knowing that in our relationship, His love for us is unending, timeless and unrestricted.

-        We fathers abide in Him and unreservedly accept that His will be done because Christ is our Lord and Master.

-        Being our friend, guide and spiritual power, we welcome the Holy Spirit to fill us within in order that we fathers become effective servants for Christ, and hence know what doors to open and close.

-        In all Your sovereignty, we fathers commit our wives, children and the whole family wholeheartedly unto you, Lord, whose love for them is as compelling as it is for us and others we love.

-        We fathers trust God to use us as and when He deigns today and ever after and with that, we boldly step forth in faith in the knowledge that in all the days He gives us in our lives, we will be joyous and full of praise for Him.

Sometimes we need to sit back and check ourselves. We could occasionally ask ourselves whether our life of faith is what it’s supposed to be. Do our lives touch others in the right way? Do they inspire our children to conduct themselves in a similar form? Or do we need to review our lives and see if there are gaps to fill and things to improve on? 

Have we been a paragon for our children to follow or have they found us wanting in one way or another? Did we do or say anything that dilutes their understanding of Christ?

Maybe we’ve been too preoccupied with ourselves that we forget that how we conduct ourselves in front of our children. We may believe that we walk with Christ but occasionally, we get into a war of words with others that rub off wrongly on the children. 

When they see our conduct unbecoming of the things we tell them, then our so-called live of faith won’t work too well. And when the wheels to the wagon fall off, we end up being responsible for getting our children stranded.

Teach them to seek God in all things

Image source: Liz Lemon Swindle

People these days like to tell us, first and foremost, that they are in control of their lives. My elder brother fits this category impeccably. He always likes to portray a person in charge, in full control of everything in his life and therefore, has nothing to share about mistakes and failures. His life is a rollcall of success. There is nothing amiss and nothing he yearns for that he already has. 

Just like Frank Sinatra’s maligned song titled, “My Way,” there are many like my brother who foolishly think that they’ve got a firm grip on their lives and therefore, they don’t need anyone to tell them what to do. Instead they will tell you how to run your lives.

But God teaches us completely differently. Unlike the worldly wisdom, He tells us to come to Him always, to call on Him with questions in our hearts, problems in our minds and He will sort them out for us. Where we have questions, God can and will supply the fitting answers. 

Where problems beset us and weigh us down, He will come out with the solutions and lift us up. God’s promise is preceded by our willingness to cede control of our lives to Him so that He can steer us on the righteous path:

“And so brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice – the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship Him. Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world but let God transform you into a new person y changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and what is perfect.” (Rom 12:1-2, NLT)

David, who is well known in the Bible as the one after God’s heart (1 Sam 13:13), offers one of the most beautiful psalms that inspires us to plumb the depths of our hearts in search of the Lord’s love. Here is what he says:

“You, God are my God, I earnestly search for You. My soul thirsts for You; my whole body longs for You in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen You in Your sanctuary and gazed upon Your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise You as long as I live, lifting up my hands to You in prayer.” (Ps 63:1-4, NLT)

Teach the children that a half-hearted passive attempt at seeking God is not enough. As the David revealed, He has to be sought after in a full-blown completely heartfelt way. Only then will God be found. Only then will our soulful thirst be met. Only then can everything we need from God can be fully realised. Children have no inkling the vastness of God’s heart until and unless we fathers intimate this to them. 

With every opportunity we have, help them learn of His enormous generosity. Help them to understand that looking for answers elsewhere – such as material wealth, fame, friends, career, entertainment or money – can and will lead to emptiness. On the other hand, seeking God adds the extra dimension to our lives that offers us value we cannot find in inconsequential earthly things.

As fathers, we should open our children’s awareness to the following:

-        Nothing else matters but seeking God

Many people fear to take that step (to seek God) because of what it might mean to them or what they might find out about themselves. Even more so, they may develop a fear of what they may end up losing in their lives – and that’s usually something to do with personal freedom. 

Even so, what we lose pales into insignificance when we think how much the children will gain by simply seeking Him. Whatever the kids want in life, God will supply once they understand to seek Him first.

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else and live righteously and He will give you everything you need.” (Mt 6:33, NLT)

-        When you seek Him, you will find Him

God doesn’t and has never hidden from us including our children. He has always been right there, waiting for all of us to seek Him. And if any of us falls, He’s there to pick us up, clean the dirt out, nurse our pride and encourage us to get on with our walk. 

He’s the Great Encourager, the Peerless Father and the Only Creator we know. And the incredible thing is that he’s always in our presence, looking forward to being close to all of us. And He wants the same thing with our children.

“But from there, you will search again for the Lord your God. And if you search for Him with all your heart and soul, you will find Him.” (Dt 4:29, NLT)

-        Regardless of what you’re doing, seek God

We always say, ‘It’s all about timing.’ When it comes to God, He doesn’t buy that because the best time to seek Him is right this very minute. Don’t lose our heads figuring out the ‘best time’ because opportunities are there only when we take them. 

And since we don’t know what the next minute may hold for us, do it before we realise we might not have that chance anymore. Lay aside whatever excuses we have. Do it and get your children to follow and seek Him no matter the day or the hour. Just do it.

“Most of those who came from Ephraim, Manasseh, Issachar and Zebulun had not purified themselves. King Hezekiah prayed for them and they were allowed to eat the Passover meal anyway, even though this is contrary to the requirements of the Law. For Hezekiah said, ‘May the Lord, who is good, pardon those who decide to follow the Lord, the God of their ancestors even though they are not properly cleansed for the ceremony. And the Lord listened to Hezekiah’s prayer and healed the people.” (2 Chr 30:18-20, NLT)

-        Seek Him because He is looking for you

God is constantly on the lookout for any of us who are seeking Him. He doesn’t care who they may be or what they do or where they may be at that point in time. He doesn’t bother with whatever situation we may be in. All He ever wants from us is to seek Him because He’s always looking for that opportunity we give Him.

Just a little whimper of help is all it takes for God to break into action for us. Our children need to know in their hearts that there is a God out there who is loving beyond compare, compassionate in unimaginable ways and not willing to let anyone go and perish in unbelief without offering them the chance to come to Him.

“The Lord looks down from heaven on the entire human race; He looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God.” (Ps 14:2, NLT)

-        Go seek Him before He goes after you

We always like to be seen to do the right thing ‘our own way.’ If that means taking our time procrastinating, then be it so. But when God comes calling, it might not be to the way we prefer. 

The great C. S. Lewis once said, ‘God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.’ Our relationship with God would’ve been nothing if He did not speak to our disciplinary qualities and in that sense, He is in charge.

So no matter how hard we try to drag our feet or hide ourselves, God will drag us out eventually because He loves us enough to discipline us. In that sense, He will allow unfortunate events to take place in order that we can draw ourselves to seek Him. These may appear to be big-time setbacks but in the larger scheme of things, they are only meant to lead us to live a fulfilled life that would be impossible without His love, desire and discipline.

So, let us bring up our children to respond to God first. Don’t wait. Don’t linger. Don’t procrastinate. Instead encourage them to go all out and seek Him.

“When God began killing them, they finally sought Him. They repented and took God seriously.” (Ps 78:34, NLT)

-        Because He made it possible, we must therefore seek Him

God has established boundaries for where we live so that we may seek after Him. In fact, it is His will that wherever we are, we may recognise our need to seek Him because that is the preternatural desire within us to. It is this desire that is found in every single human to identify the void of not having God around and that would spur us to go after Him and be with Him.

If we inculcate this into our children well, they will hence be equipped to know that wherever they may be in the future, they can still seek God with all their hearts’ desire because that channel of communication is always there for them. Truth be told, God has made it so in order that we can reach Him. Anytime.

“His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward Him and find Him – though He is not far from any one of us. For in Him, we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are His offspring.’” (Acts 17:27-28, NLT)

-        Regardless of how we feel, seek the Lord above all else

We should realise that we don’t have the capacity nor do we deserve to seek Him. After all, our sinful nature combined with the lure of the world and the taunting of the devil all conspire to drag us away from God. 

All of these are such a force to reckon that it takes extraordinary compulsion within us to overcome them and seek Him. Therefore the key is to resist these self-serving temptations and enlarge our faith with all our might and desire so that we hold back nothing in wanting the Lord in our lives.

Our children are born into a world filled with more sinful distractions than at any time in the past. At no time before has there ever been so many things around their lives that threaten to keep them away from God. 

We fathers must teach them about righteousness, obedience and submissiveness so that they understand how important their faith is in their lives. As they grow up and become independent, this faith must serve them well.

“As the Scriptures say, ‘No one is righteous – not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God.’” (Rom 3:10-11, NLT)

-        Seek Him because He will reward you for it

Seeking God is not a once-a-week explorative effort. It is a lifetime endeavour, meaning we don’t stop until the day we die because He is a never-ending expanse and there is still so much more we want to know of. 

Our unlimited God is as deep as He is mysterious and till we draw our last breath, we still fall short of coming to grips with Him fully. But understand this – by desiring to know Him with all our hearts, He will honour our faith and love by rewarding us. That reward is a gift that only He can give that no one can take away from us.

Believing fathers must bear this in mind always, that the big picture is what their children cannot afford to take their eyes off. Life is not about instant gratification and therefore, we cannot live for short-term gains. Rather, they need to be taught that instead of overnight pleasures, meekness is what will get all of us home to be with God one day.

“And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to Him must believe that God exists and that He rewards those who sincerely seek Him.” (Heb 11:6, NLT)

-        Seek God and the next step will be clear

God is wise beyond any man dead or alive. No expanse of knowledge that man has gathered over the ages can compare with His wisdom. Therefore when we seek clarity in dealing with any problem in life, it is only God whose counsel will equip us with all that is necessary to overcome them. With His wisdom, knowledge and insight, our next steps will be as clear as day. And because He is the beginning and the end of time, the Alpha and the Omega, God’s guidance means we will never get lost.

All of us fathers know that the day will come when our children will fly the coop and leave us with an empty nest. Yet there is opportunity to be had when that day comes especially if they not only have the guidance of the Holy Spirit in them but learn to trust in Him. With God in their lives, they will never be in need of anyone else to guide them along the path of truth and righteousness in whatever they endeavour to do.

“Then Jehoshaphat added, ‘But first let’s find out what the Lord says.” (1 Kgs 22:5, NLT)