As the Trials Get Worse, Our Faith Grows Stronger (Parr 2 of 3)

As the Trials Get Worse, Our Faith Grows Stronger (Part 2 of 3)

A four-month testimony of events that reveal the Hand of God

Khen Lim

Image source: onemanonebikeoneworld.com

In Part 1 last week, I spoke about my father being hospitalised for pneumonia in January and then wrestling with a thief the following month and in both cases, God’s presence was evident. If not for His hand of protection, things could easily have gone south for us. 

My father would likely have had lost his life. At his old age and with serious medical complications, pneumonia could easily kill. And with the physical fighting with the thief, had he brought a knife along, I might not have been able to write these articles for you to read. 

This week, we look at the months of March and early April.

March

You’d think that that was more than enough action to fill out the year for most families. I thought too but how wrong all of us were. Fresh off this fighting episode, we stepped right into the next challenge, not sure how we could actually survive it.

Over the last number of years, our neighbourhood has earned a dark reputation for being a ‘black area’ for dengue fever. The local council has been coming around regularly enough to fog the affected houses. In our suburb, the fogging had since become routine. We heard of one person who passed away as well. 

Along our street, many houses had people warded for dengue fever. In fact, almost literally days after manhandling the thief, our friendly neighbour who came to help had her hands full once she discovered that two members of her family had contracted the disease.

It’s been a horrific time for all of us. The weather has been rainy throughout and that didn’t help matters. Once the rain comes – and it’s still happening – the mosquitoes that normally harbour in the garden would then find their way into the house where they hide in dark areas in and around everywhere. My dad had already gone to hospital not once but twice for dengue fever and so we were only too aware of what all this meant to us.

My wife’s passion for gardening is evident when you look at the profusion of interesting plants everywhere. Our front garden had never been this lush before but it’s such a beauty to look at. It was money well spent and the effort she put into it made it such a rewarding sight every day. But spending time in the garden was a risk she hadn’t thought of. 

Quite shortly after our neighbourly family had two cases of dengue fever, the local health authorities came around to do a spot check of our garden and immediate outside surrounding areas. That caught us by surprise and invariably, they found that the huge yam plant that my wife had planted was a potential culprit.

It appeared apparently that they managed to extract some specimen water trapped in between the deep-set corrugated stem where some mosquito larvae were evident. They left with a caution that we could be punitively fined if the larvae proved to be from the Aedes Aegypti mosquito breed, which was singularly responsible for carrying the disease. 

As it turned out, after the weekend, we called up and they confirmed our fears. At the same time, our next-door neighbour had the same problem and similarly copped a fairly heavy fine, which we promptly went to pay just to get it over with.

Just as we thought this was all there was to it, we were wrong. A day or two after, my wife complained that she was feeling under the weather, which was unusual because she was normally impervious to all the work she did. On the occasion that she might be tired, a good sleep was all it took to cure her foibles. 

But this time, it was different. She developed high fever and expressed a serious fear that she might have been bitten by the Aedes mosquito. I tried to block that possibility out of my mind, thinking that we just could not cope with yet another challenge but to my dismay, a blood test at the hospital proved positive.

Even so, she told the doctor there that we simply couldn’t afford to have her warded. The reasons were simple but obvious – we’re just a small family trying to cope with everything including two little twins who were at that time in the throes of teething troubles and an aged father that needed supervision in his slow recovery from pneumonia. 

Seriously, it would be disastrous to have my wife in hospital. After all, how in the world could I look after the little twins? On my own? You’re kidding, right?

And so, she was let off and we all returned home. The idea was that we had to get her to hospital every day to have her blood test done because the monitoring of her platelet level was crucial. The drop in the level must be studiously observed so that any precipitous decrease must be brought to their attention. 



Image source: movetocambodia.com

This was obviously tedious but it was also necessary. At least having my wife home made it easier for everyone because we didn’t have to stretch our resources and logistics to ensure that everyone was looked after.

Unfortunately, this idea didn’t prove tenable. Checking the platelet level was one thing but coping with the high fever was quite another. My wife was not only burning up but the high fever was so calamitous that it drove her to get warded whether she liked it or not. She was so discomforted that she didn’t have a choice and now came the problems.

Firstly, the private hospital of our choice did not have any beds available, not even in ER or the haematology daycare centre. In fact, they had over thirty cases of dengue fever waiting for beds on that same day. With that predicament, our doctor sought to look for available beds elsewhere. 



Image source: siraplimau.com

Eventually he found another private hospital – one we had no experience with – and we promptly took up the offer. Even this hospital had a scarcity of beds but it looked like we could get one if we acted quickly enough. And so we made the arrangements, went home quickly to pack a few things and then took off for the other hospital and did the registration et cetera.

Secondly, my wife was now really going to be warded. And really, I was going to physically look after the twins on my own. There was no getting out of this. It wasn’t that I had no interest or desire to do it. In fact, I’d love to but we all had to face the fact that this was brand new territory for everyone. The apprehension was understandable and the fear was that I might not be able to cope but this time, my wife wouldn’t be around to help plug the gaps for me. 

Still I had to be strong for her and so I ‘assured’ her that somehow, things would work out. I might have said those words but I certainly didn’t really believe in it because in reality, there was no evidence to base that assurance on. I only said it to calm my wife and to encourage her to focus on complete rest and recovery. 

To that end, that was of course, the truth but behind that truth, I was shuddering all the way. The very thought of performing all the chores that my wife normally did with the twins was enough to drive me out of my wits.

Thirdly, without my wife at home – definitely not normal – I now had to be the orchestrator, administrator, governor, driver, decider, overseer, supplier and cook for everyone. At the same time, I also had to attend to my wife for every day that she was warded. This was totally different to when my dad was in hospital because at least, my wife and I could coordinate together and share the burden of getting things done. 

Without my wife, the very things I took for granted were now glaring back at me, demanding my attention and expecting me to deliver. Of course, while my dad was ever willing to roll up his sleeves and help me, I couldn’t expect much and neither did I have the right to demand this from him. At his age and with his medical condition, if he overdid things, I would have even more on my plate to deal with. Inevitably of course, it was left to me to do everything. On my own, this time.

Those five or so days were miraculous. The value of fatherhood was phenomenal. While the challenge was foreboding at the beginning – I was, after all, expecting a rollcall of disasters – it turned out to be completely uneventful. The twins were in fact supremely cooperative and meek. 

Everything fell into place. Nothing was left wanting. The kids did as were told. I had no troubles to handle. They didn’t have sleeping troubles at night; in fact, their sound sleeping was surreal for me. Amazingly, I had opportunities to rest properly just as I exhorted my wife to do the same since being in hospital offered her a rare chance to do that.

I must admit that I had help but this assistance wasn’t of the 24/7 type. Still, they were invaluable. Friends from church came to help buy needed groceries as well as freshly cooked food so that we didn’t have to cover those chores. But when it came to managing the twins that was something only I could do. And that was where the miracles were simply impossible to understand but there they were.



Image source: BabyCentre

Did the kids throw tantrums? No. Did the kids prove difficult when fed? No. Did the kids have teething troubles through those days? No. Did any of them poo in their diapers? Amazingly, no. Did they have trouble sleeping? No. Did they wake up startled and cry hysterically? No. Were they a struggle to bathe? No. Did they struggle to nap during the daytime? No. Were they in any way disobedient or stubborn? Incredibly, no. Did I have any trouble getting either of them to finish their milk feeds? No.

The only problem I ever had was when I was driving because I had to leave the caring of the kids to my dad. Within the cabin space and having my dad sit in the backseat to look after them, it was a serious struggle because the kids would wander from the back to the front seat and sometimes, one would interfere with my driving. 

It was difficult but not impossible. It meant that I had to multitask by concentrating on my driving, checking the mirrors all the time and having a third eye to watch out for the kids if and when they come traipsing to the front. It wasn’t easy and thankfully, the cops weren’t around wherever we drove.

Needless to say, when my wife was discharged, it was a relief but it didn’t mean that what happened in the days she wasn’t around was insignificant or held no value at all. Many things did happen in those days I was left to care for our twins. Many of these things were not that evident in light of the chores that simply had to be done because they were there and it wasn’t possible to ignore. 

Many of them were not things I focused on simply because I just had to get on with it and not think too much. In fact, there was neither the time nor opportunity to think other things! But they all did take place and they opened my eyes wide to how God loves us and how He repays us for the faith we have in Him.

How could the kids behave so impeccably when we all had every reason to expect them not to? How could this happen when we know they usually aren’t like that? How was it that in the five days or so, neither of them actually needed to poo? How come that in the throes of their teething, nothing really happened? How could it be that none of them played up during bathing or feeding or napping or whatever? How possible is it that everything I had hoped for – peace and all that – actually did take place considering the circumstances?

Without any shadow of doubt, God is the unequivocal answer. He did four things for me.

Firstly, He made sure that everything was completely manageable. He knew I would be utterly helpless. Only someone like Him would understand how useless fathers can be without the mothers especially when twins this young become the centrepiece of all the chores that needed to be done. He was aware that I would likely make a complete mess out of all the responsibilities that I faced. And He certainly delivered.

Secondly, by doing so, He could allow me to see His hand at work. That is what the miracles have always been about – His hand at work especially when we’re hapless. These miracles prove something very obvious. They were God’s response that nothing is ever impossible to Him. It was also proof that no matter what, He’s always there when we seek Him first. He never ignores our pleas for help but He’ll fashion His response in His own unbelievable ways.

Thirdly by making things manageable, He also opened the way for me to feel the true value of fatherhood. Fatherhood up till then was very limited because my wife would do virtually everything. Other than the occasional diaper changing, fatherhood was playtime and taking them to different places. 

With my wife recuperating in hospital, God used it to offer me a far more invaluable experience in fatherhood. What I managed to do with the kids opened my eyes – and heart – to opportunities to get closer, to love them even more and to do the kinds of things for them that I that I couldn’t before.

Fourthly, because of the opportunity to understand fatherhood, He turned the spotlight to Himself so that I could learn from the best, most loving and compellingly perfect Father of them all. It didn’t take me long to perceive the connection all the way back to God. Ultimately all our lessons in life came from Him. 

From Him, we all learn to be more loving, caring and responsible parents. It is He who taught us to be teachable and to seek Him to guide us all the way. From everything He did for me, He ensured that I knew it all came from Him and no one else.

You can read more about this in the two-part article ‘Fatherhood in the Trust of God’ available respectively here and here. Alternatively, you can copy and paste the following into your search box: http://hosannaefcluxmundi.blogspot.com/2017/04/fatherhood-n-trust-of-god-part-1-of-2.html and then http://hosannaefcluxmundi.blogspot.com/2017/04/fatherhood-in-trust-of-god-part-2-of-2.html.

April part one

Image source: CBS News

After about a week, what a relief it was to find my wife home although she hadn’t fully recovered. But then no one does with dengue fever. It would be another week or more before her batteries were fully recharged and raring to go. 

As it were, she was still lethargic but never mind all that, she was home and that was the important part. At least, I don’t have to panic about getting everyone ready to visit her at the hospital. With her back, the kids were also happier because their loving mother could hug and kiss them as often as they liked.

Three months of the year gone and we’d been busy meeting up with what life could throw at us. And talking about things thrown at us, these were big tests but it looked like it wasn’t over yet. A week after my wife was back, it was my turn to crumble and the real fear was that I could be the final victim of the dreaded dengue fever. 

By this point in the year, our hospital bills were already escalating out of control but they weren’t avoidable. As costly as it was to be warded and treated, they were necessary but the grateful thing was that God had blessed us with the capacity to pay for them as and when any of us needed. 

Dad’s regular hospital bills – myriad consultation visits to different specialists, blood tests and then blood transfusions – and his monthly prescription meds are often in the thousands and thousands. Just the days in hospital for my dad and wife totalled a little under MYR30,000.

After trying out a futile day of sweating it out, I went for a much-dreaded blood test, fearing the reality of dengue fever but with much relief, the result was negative. However for the next whole week, I was a train wreck. 

This was the worst bug I had ever caught as it kept me completely under the weather. It wasn’t just a flu virus but I also had a bacterial infection that knocked out my stomach, making me feel too bloated to eat. I tried some French fries and all I could eat was one miserable little fry.

With a sore throat infection from the flu, I also could not drink properly. With virtually no food and liquids over the next number of days, I was suffering. Understandably also, my weight took a battering but so did everything else. For the second time in a space of four weeks, I also had to cancel my class next door, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to recover in time. Even if it did, I would still be too weak to do much in class.

In the course of that entire week, I took three courses of completely different antibiotics from two separate physicians and one pharmacist. And it was the one from the pharmacist that finally worked in knocking the pesky sore throat out of the park. 

Never had I to bombard my body with antibiotics like this but then again, I’ve not been this bad with flu. To say it was frustrating is an understatement but chiefly, it was the stomach infection that really weakened me enough to stay in bed.

And of course, the irony of it was that in the four months, each of us in the family seemed to have taken turns to be sick – dad first with his pneumonia, then my wife with dengue fever and now, me with this horrible flu. It was only when I understood this was no ordinary flu, my thoughts turned to God. 

It was the unending tough challenges that I sought Him to help us overcome. The whole chain of events didn’t just relentlessly assail us but they could also weaken our resolve. It’s easy for something like these to wear down our resistance and I was made to feel that it was up to me to lead my family out of it.

In seeking God, I asked for wisdom, patience and perspective.

I needed His wisdom to know what approach was the best. In our small family, just one person getting ill can cause a lot of disruptions to our routine. With the kids going through their troublesome teething, we always needed everyone’s hands on deck without which, we would be stretched beyond imagination. As my wife’s time in hospital taught us, we could never get past our problems without God’s help. In asking for His wisdom, I was, in turn, humbly asking for His hand in helping us.

When we realised this was the fourth consecutive event in as many months, some of us sensed the ridicule as much as we also felt the frustration. It was like trying to get off the first gear but couldn’t. We’re stuck in the mud and as much as we tried to, we continued to be bogged down with nowhere to go. 



Image source: CNN

This frustration was wearing out our patience. As I’d said, my wife needed me now in the same way as I needed her earlier (when she was hospitalised). The tough part of going through four events in a row was to ask when all this would finally stop. It was time to remind ourselves that God is in control and He has this nipped at the bud but it’s sometimes difficult to see all of this when we were right in the middle of the storm.

Not getting a grip on whatever part of reality we were in was my way of seeking the right perspective. Everything seemed unreal to the point where we felt the ludicrousness of it. Losing perspective could mean focusing on the wrong priorities or losing the plot and then finding ourselves totally helpless and not knowing what else we could do. 

I needed God to help gain a better grasp on what was taking place in our lives. No one could believe – let alone understand – how all these events unfolded. No one we told could say that all of this was run of the mill stuff. In fact, the incredulity made heads spin as no one could come to terms with this many events happening.

God’s message in the end was a question of faith. Just as Job was inundated with one trouble after another, I began to understand that something similar could also be happening to us. While my experiences in this case were just a fraction of the devastation that Job had to undergo, it was hard enough. Unquestionably, the one thing that puts our faith to the sword was spiritual warfare and I was led to believe that my family was in the thick of it.

For the first time, such afflictions had covered my entire family. It wasn’t just me alone who had to fight my battles. It seemed this time, everyone had his or her fair share of fighting to do. And in each and every episode we had to go through, God became larger and larger in our lives. He took centre stage within our hearts, minds and spirit. 

He became even more important and like the air we cannot afford not to breathe, without God in our lives, we could never have overcome these events as they pile on and on. In God, the resolution is always there. Without God, we would be struggling to stay above water and eventually darkness would have consumed us.

Part Three (Final) next week will cover the month of April Part Two and the conclusion.