As the Trials Get Worse, Our Faith Grows Stronger (Part 3 of 3, Final)

As the Trials Get Worse, Our Faith Grows Stronger (Part 3 of 3, Final)

A four-month testimony of events that reveal the Hand of God

Khen Lim

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Part two last week was about my wife contracting dengue fever and needing to be hospitalised, which left the care of our 17-month-old twins in my sole car. And then once she was discharged, it was my turn to be bedridden for a week, floored by a seemingly harmless flu but made far worse by a stomach infection.

This week, our final part takes us to the rest of April and then a little beyond where we also look into how God uses adversities to teach us invaluable lessons.

April part two

Image source: theadventurouswriter.com

Getting past the flu and infection was a relief for two simple reasons. 

Firstly, we need all our hands back on deck. Recovery meant that the family was restored and my wife would no longer be doing everything on her own. It was tough because she herself was on the mend from dengue fever too. 

Secondly, getting well also meant that all the three adults in our family had now gone over their ‘issues’ and are now back on our feet. Of course, the kids’ teething problem was still an on-going process. With ten more teeth to go for each of them, that likely meant another year before the nightmare would be over for us.

By now, we were approaching mid-April. With one-third of the year over so quickly, at least we could revert to normalcy but the next episode was something none of us could have predicted or expected. Hardly a week later, tragedy struck. It was Jordan, our beloved golden retriever.

Jordan was a very special dog for all of us. We consider her God’s gift to our family and she came to us in the most unlikely manner – in the back of a mini-truck. We’d be praying to find a golden retriever but neither my wife nor I expected that it would turn out like this! 

It was one night more than eight years ago that we were all riding on this mini-truck to head home from a photography job that we had done only to find a very young golden retriever sharing the backseat. Somehow my wife and I knew that this was a divine moment for us and we needed to snatch that opportunity. 

In short, we convinced our friend, the mini-truck driver, to give the dog to us. Thankfully he did and so began Jordan’s happy and fun life in our family for the next eight or so years.

Shortly after, Chester, our mixed-breed little white terrier joined us. Between the two, Jordan was more pampered. Being the ‘big girl,’ she was pampered in every which way possible. During a time long before the twins came into our lives, Jordan was certainly everything to us. 

We remember the long drives with the window wound down and Jordan’s head sneaked out to enjoy the breeze. We used to get her popcorn, which she would gobble it all down in a matter of seconds. My wife fed her eggs, fresh milk and lots of chicken meat to help her grow. Occasionally, we went to the park so she could run as much as she’d liked before we were all driven away (In Malaysia, Muslims detest dogs). 

Jordan always gave us reason to smile or laugh. She wasn’t just beautiful but she was also smart. As a companion, she was incredibly loyal, always staying by our side as we worked. During her younger years, she was incredibly energetic, running almost as if she was on a perpetual dynamo. Her face would light up whenever we played with her, which was quite often during those years but invariably, with her energy, she would easily outrun and outplay all of us.

When the twins were born, things changed. Our priorities shifted to looking after the kids. In our small family, choices and decisions had to be made. We couldn’t have the cake and eat it. And of course, between the dogs and the newborn kids, time and effort had to be transferred to the latter. 

That didn’t mean that we would completely abandon the dogs but the effect of redirecting our attention at the kids often meant we didn’t have the kind of time to spend with them as much or often as we used to. If we had just one kid, we still could but twins on the other hand demanded far more from us.

Over time, our relationship with Jordan ebbed to some extent. While we still look after her meals and health, much of our time had gone to the twins as they began to grow. In the months after they were born, Jordan and Chester remained as part of our family but sadly, the attention we gave became increasingly peripheral. 

This was especially true when the kids began to experience growth spurts, colic and then teething. All of these forced us to pour even more attention at their health and medical needs.

By the time mid-April 2017 came about, Jordan did not look well. We suspected that her recent bout of tick fever was somehow not completely over but we didn’t think it had anything to do with her poor appetite. When she failed to eat her food for the next two days, my wife and I became concerned. We were actually confused, thinking initially that perhaps she was having her period. Later when my wife noticed that Jordan’s stomach appeared a little bloated, we knew it was urgent that we got her to the vet.

We enlisted the help of a good friend to help get Jordan to see a trusted vet and that day, we found out the worst possible news. Jordan was diagnosed with pyometra, a serious and potentially-deadly infection that affected the uterus but if not caught earlier, could spread to the kidneys via the bloodstream. 

For more information on the disease, you can read it up here.

In Jordan’s case, early identification was not possible because her cervix was closed too tightly for the pus to be discharged from the vagina. Had that happened, we believe it was possible to save her. As it were, a blood test done on that day confirmed that Jordan’s kidneys were too poorly affected. Her phosphate and creatinine levels were too high and therefore, any surgery to remove her uterus was likely going to kill her.

In other words, there was no other choice but to put her down. It was then a matter of when we thought was the right time to do that. At that point in time, I had to inform my wife of the shattering news. It was tragic. She was crying inconsolably on the phone. So was I although I tried to stay under control. 

We made one mistake for Jordan – we did not spay her. We chose not to because we felt we preferred her to remain natural and not have her character altered by the hormonal changes that normally result from spaying. However because we did not neuter her, the pyometra infection was hence possible. Naturally, that discovery made us feel worse.

We agreed with the vet surgeon that it was best for Jordan to be put on a drip so that she could be more comfortable. That meant staying the night at the clinic while my wife and I agonised over the very difficult but unavoidable decision to have to put her down.



Image source: Etsy

Early next morning, we received a call from the surgeon, telling us that Jordan had passed away in the earlier hours. Her passing away meant one thing – it saved us the agony of going through the euthanasia. At least we no longer had to see her die that way. As ‘merciful’ as the euthanasia might be (to relief her from further suffering), it was a very uncomfortable thing to have to go through. That she died this way was probably more humane at least for my wife and I. Given the tragic circumstances, it helped to lessen the trauma.

That morning, our drive to the vet to pick up Jordan’s body was a very difficult one to do. Our decision to bury her in the midst of our garden was made. We felt very strongly that she should rest in an area she was so fond of and she had her happiest years. While we made prior arrangements for paid help to come and dig a grave, that person didn’t turn up. 

Despite repeated phone calls and promises to come, he failed and that left the job to my wife and I to have to do. It wasn’t the physical nature that proved difficult but the very fact that we have to carry Jordan’s body into the grave. That was so hard to do and we cried all the way especially when we began to shovel the soil to cover her. I cannot think of anything I have done in my recent past that was as excruciating and grief-stricken as this.

Missing Jordan was as hard to take as realising that we didn’t do enough to love her in the recent months. Although our kids came first, we could not help but felt that maybe, just maybe, we could have done better. Seeing that all of us admitted that Jordan was God’s gift to us, our disappointment in ourselves was even more amplified.



Image source: amazingdoggies.com

Till today, we miss Jordan’s ever loving presence awfully.

Beyond April

Adenocarcinoma or cancer of the colon (Image source: robertsreview.com)

As I write this, we’re now in early May. And I’ve just had news that an old school friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in decades was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer (adenocarcinoma). I visited him just a few days ago. A little more than a day later, one early evening, a friend called while I was driving to inform me that he’d passed away at around 5:15pm. Tony was the same age as I was.

He had blood-stained stools a little more than a year ago but he didn’t do anything about it. Two weeks before he died, one of his daughters compelled him to visit a physician who then referred him to the hospital. It was then that the shock news came – not only was his cancer unexpected but it had metastasised so prolifically that his lungs were now affected, meaning that his breathing would be difficult.

When I visited him at the hospital, I did so with the intention of not only praying for him but to share the Gospel and invite him to accept Christ’s offer of salvation. I was hoping to get him to embrace Christ and then pray the sinner’s prayer. 

I came home empty handed instead. I failed. I let an opportunity slipped through my fingers because I was too afraid to share the Good News with him when I was by his bedside. I was fearful that his family members who were present at that time would be offended and rebuke me. Had something like this happened, I wouldn’t really know what to do. Other than being deeply embarrassed, something like this would probably have caused everyone else discomfort.

It was only when my friend and I were about to say our goodbyes that I asked Tony if he’d like me to pray for him but out of fear, I added to that by asking if he’d prefer me to pray there and then or go home and do it. Giving up my position led him to suggest I pray at home. I felt defeated, knowing this was my own doing. I did return home and prayed for him but it was only a day thereafter that the bad news came.

I hadn’t actually been in touch with Tony for many years. The last time I met him was one particular night more than a decade ago when I was in Kuala Lumpur for business when he brought together a bunch of old school friends and we met somewhere. We had a good time and I appreciated his friendship. 

We weren’t close in the sense of spending lots of time together but I always knew him as someone warm, meaningful, helpful and encouraging. He always had a wonderful word for anyone who cared to listen. He was hilarious and fun to be with but he was also remarkably witty and resourceful. The friends who came to visit him at the hospital were proof of his popularity and likeability.

Struggling to feel grounded

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In four months, we’ve had more than enough on our plate to deal with. Two hospitalisations plus I was knocked out at home myself, not to mention the enormity of the costs involved. One robbery foiled, which could have been worse. Our favourite dog died and the burden of guilt. And then a friend passed away all too quickly. We didn’t just face uphill challenges but lessons in death that were always enormously hard to learn.

For the four months, the continuous rain threatened to drench us of our spirits. It was tough to learn how to keep getting up as we got chopped down time and again. Each time, it seemed to get harder. And one of the more difficult things to accept was that other than two families in Christ who are close to us, we really don’t have anyone else around. Most of my cousins on the maternal side were either too busy doing their own things or they were too far away to help (not that anyone offered to). 

Each time something struck our family, I looked to God for guidance, a helping hand to lead me away from even more troubles. No matter how tough it was, there was only God I could count on with perfect reliability but often, He was all I needed seeing that none in our family could depend on any of our relatives. But admittedly, when repeated events came and went through the months, it was hard constantly going back to God.



Image source: rainbowtoken.com

I was reminded of Scripture’s Masoretic wealthy farmer, Job who lived in Uz. He had a large family and an extensive flock (1:2-3). He was the Bible’s most prominent example of someone who was upright and blameless, who suffered greatly. In a dialogue between God and Satan, the Lord gave consent to the evil one to punish Job (1:12). 

Satan’s argument was that Job was only good because he was blessed so abundantly by Him (1:9-10) and so it was that he was opened to Satan’s torment in order that this bold claim could be tested to the very core (1:12, 2:6). Though Satan was not allowed to take Job’s life, with the sufferings and the torrid outcomes he had to endure, he might as well be better off dead.



Job's three friends (Image source: Pinterest)

Even Job’s three friends – Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar (2:11) – were of little sympathy if not help. Together, they sat in silence for seven days out of respect for his mourning (2:12) but thereafter, the conversations began. Job cursed the day he was born (3:1) and wished he never lived (3:3) so that he would not have to face such misery. Inevitably, all three friends suggested that Job must have sinned in one way or another and that contributed to his agony. But in response, Job considered all of their remarks worthless.

In the person of Job, we witness a man whom God considers “blameless” (1:1) and one who is of “complete integrity. (ibid)” Yet God allowed him to be attacked so vociferously by Satan, the Accuser. In the Book of Job is the lesson of faithfulness that even as he lost virtually everything that was important in his life, he remained steadfast in full faith to God, that even in a time of great suffering, he could highlight God’s sovereignty and paid that with unstinting faithfulness. 

God consented to Satan tormenting Job (but not taking his life) not because he had done something sinful for this was a “blameless” man. The Bible testifies that he “feared God and stayed away from evil. (1:1)” After feasts and various celebrations within his family, he would “purify his children. (1:5)” Every early morning after he awoke, he would regularly “offer a burnt offering for each of them. (ibid)”

There was nothing that Job did that anyone could level all the sufferings he sustained on. Although he was very much like us – a sinner from birth – this was a man “of complete integrity” that even God said, “is the finest man in all the Earth. (1:8)” 

But I think the real core of Job’s lesson for us is that God found in him, someone who could prove his goodness despite Satan’s view that were all his possessions and wealth taken from him, “he will surely curse you to your face. (1:11)” To God’s glory, he did.

We know the terrible losses that Job had to endure. 

Firstly, all his “500 teams of oxen” (1:3) and “500 female donkeys” (ibid) were stolen and his farmhands were all killed in a raid (1:13-14). Then all his sheep and shepherd were killed by a “fire of God” (1:16). Given that Job had in his possession, “7,000 sheep” (1:2), this couldn’t have been a simple case of one lightning bolt but a very fearsome display of fiery power, the likes of which was enormous enough to kill so many thousands. 

Next, his “3,000 camels” (1:3) were stolen again by raiders and his servants were killed in the process (1:17). If all of these weren’t staggering enough, every one of Job’s beloved sons and daughters were killed when his eldest son’s house was struck by a “powerful wind” and collapsed (1:19).



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While these all constituted Job’s first test, his second was equally as terrible with his affliction of boils “from head to foot” (2:7). Now left alone only with his wife remaining of his devastated family, his wife railed at him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die” (2:8) and summarily, earned herself a rebuke: “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”

There are powerful lessons here for all of us. 

When I compared what we had to endure in the four months past, I felt humbled by the scale of Job’s problems. Mine were nothing, not even a fraction of his sufferings and torments. Yet, I understood the power of his faith. Despite even scolded by his wife, he remained steely in his faith. Yes, all twenty-six verses throughout Chapter 3 record his curdling cries of despair. 

And yes, his narratives are nothing short of the unimaginable kind of misery. Yes, even all his three friends believed he must have done something sinful enough to earn God’s wrath (4:1-5:27, 8:1-22, 11:1-20, 15:1-35, 18:1-21, 20:1-29, 22:1-30, 25:1-6) including a fourth friend, Elihu who, out of respect, spoke last but mainly in agreement (32:1-36:24).

In the end, neither Job nor any of us have all the answers to whatever questions we may ask of God.

I look back at all the events that had taken place including how my dear friend died so suddenly and so quickly after my visit and promise to pray. In the main, I understand nothing of all this. Each of us in my family took turns to weather the hardship and since we couldn’t count on many to come and help, we often felt the strain of trying to hold on to one another in such times. 

Yes, like me, I’m sure the rest of my family would have just as many questions for God but in the end, the Lord’s response to Job turns things around not just for him but all of us. 

In the chapters 38 to 40 in which God answered Job from a whirlwind, perhaps these verses are significant enough to make us think about the relativity of the problems we are beset with and how God sees the umpteen questions we pose to Him:

“‘Is it your wisdom that makes the hawk soar and spread its wings toward the south? Is it at your command that the eagle rises to the heights to make its nest? It lives on the cliffs, making its home on a distant, rocky crag. From there, it hunts its prey, keeping watch with piercing eyes. Its young gulp down blood. Where there’s a carcass, there you’ll find it.’

“Then the Lord said to Job, ‘Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? You are God’s critic but do you have the answers?’” (Job 39:26-40:2, NLT)

Embracing trust and faith

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We’re now almost in the middle of the month of May. Hopefully we’ll have some respite if only to take a deep breath. Life goes on, yes, but somewhere stashed inside are things that God wants to teach us, one of which is that maybe, some things are better left unquestioned.

Maybe the lessons He has in mind for my family and I aren’t necessary the same ones for you or everyone else but there may be some that are shared by all of us. They concern trust and faith; that no matter how torrential the downpour may be, He’s always there, He’s always in charge and He has the answers even to questions we haven’t thought of asking. So before we go into a hue and cry about our woes, we might want to stay calm and take in the bigger picture of the world around us.

When we get microscopic with our problems, we become impervious to all the bad news that are around us throughout the world. Terrorism. Corruption. Unemployment. Diseases. Economic upheavals. Crimes. Natural disasters. Family breakdowns. Suicides. All of these and more are the storehouses of fear that are often unleashed to strike us right in our hearts. As a result, we are constantly gripped by fear in all shapes and sizes.

We fear for our children and family including our friends and what kind of future is ahead of us. We fear for our jobs and how long this sense of continuity will last. We fear of the economic uncertainties and what they will bring about. We fear for our financial security, worrying what would happen if we suddenly lost our savings. We are constantly anxious about our personal safety amidst all the doom and gloom. 

In fact, we just about fear almost anything and everything in life. And if I listened to my father’s depressing view of life, I would probably have given up living a long time ago.

Yet often, reality dishes out that realisation that we spend way too much of our time worrying about things that never even happen. In fact, we might wake up to the truth that when we live under the burden of the many ‘what if’s,’ we’d discover how hard a place it is to dwell within. 

For many years, many members of my family – sometimes including myself – have struggled to cope with the myriad fears. But for me, the last two decades have been a little different than what I used to be before. I realised that the very things that used to get me spiralling out of control, no longer had the same effect. That’s not to say that I don’t slip up.

What it means is that I have found a grounding in Christ that I can now depend on to remain calm, positive and optimistic. I now have reason to look past my problems and work towards things that are more constructive. I have understood that I have someone in my life whom I can trust and have complete faith in instead of being undermined by terror and fear. 

There’s that something you can remember – the T’s and the F’s. Rather than succumb to ‘terror,’ your ‘trust’ must be in Christ. Instead of ‘fear,’ shroud it with your ‘faith’ in the Lamb of God.



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Here’s my favourite cornerstone passage that has served me every time through the last two decades, a passage that changed my life and empowered me with the presence of Christ:

“‘Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.’” (Mt 11:28-30, NIV)

I personally know no other passage in Scripture that has such an impact in my life. This one transformed the way I understand Christ. This part of Scripture came to me as God slipped it into my mind and one day, I hurriedly turned the pages so I could unknowingly point my finger at it. 

I read the verses and let the meaning soaked into me. I reflected over them for many weeks to months until I realise what God was saying to me. And when I applied them in my life for the first time, I understood what it is that Christ is asking of each of us. 

They became so central in my life – hence, my cornerstone passage – that they replaced anything else that I might find myself battling against. And I came to understand that only Christ could offer such peace and assurance (Jn 14:27, Ps 94:19).

There’s no question about it – fear still exists – but it no longer wields the kind of control it used to in me. While it used to hold me back, today I know to veer to Christ and leave it behind. Once upon a time, it would paralyse me in its grasp but today, I can fight it and let Christ overcome it for me.  

Christ’s words are living in us. It’s up to us to awaken them. Being afraid is natural but we have the Almighty God in whom we believe is among us. We may not have the control but He has. We may not be able to put the sword to our many fears but He can and He will (Isa 41:10). We might worry about our future but in God, our trust is well placed (Ps 56:3).